The Great Switch
by pizzigri
Summary: Ataru is bored to death. Lum is on Neptune, and he's alone with Ten in his room. Ten buys a toy on his space iPad... and Ataru sees a product on the catalog that arouses his interest! He buys it... and the chaos begins! Epilogue up and COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**The great switch**

**Rel 1.1**

By Pizzigri

Disclaimer: Urusei Yatsura and all characters (C) Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan/Kitty.

Something a bit more in line with UY, and slightly less OOC than what I have done in the past! Still too serious though, but I really can't help it, so bear with me…

This time I want to deal with a situation that has already been explored in the manga, the anime and even in other fanfics many times. It is an alternate universe in relation to the other fanfics I wrote, but I assume a similar past and behavior of Lum and her friends… also slightly more spicy.

**Check frequently on my profile to see status of my stories!**

Please do comment, and maybe I can learn to write a bit better next time. Thank you!

* * *

It is Friday night, and Ataru Moroboshi and his self appointed alien Oni wife, Lum Invader, are coming back to from school. Ataru is walking with both his hands in his pockets, and she's slowly floating by him.

"Darling…"

Silence.

"Darling…"

"What do you want Lum?"

"I wanted to ask you something…"

"I knew it. When you're so sweet looking, and blink your nice, big blue eyes like that… you want to ask me something!"

"Darling…"

"Yes! OK! What do you want!"

"I… would like to go and visit Oyuki, on Neptune. She asked me to go since it's at least a couple months we don't see each other… last time it was during our second tag game. The one in which you told me that you'll never forget me…"

"Every time you recall that game race, you make sure to remind me those words. It makes it near darn impossible, to forget you, you know! You still have not asked me what you want."

"W-well… I wanted to go."

"Are you asking me for permission? You're joking, right? Of course you can go! For all that I care!"

"But… Darling, please, please! Promise me, you will not go girlhunting!"

Ataru cracks a large grin.

"Of course! I wouldn't risk hurting you!"

Lum hugs him.

"Oh Darling! Thank you, I love you so much!"

_Boy, Lum, you're so-o-o gullible!_

…

Saturday morning, Ataru is waked up by Lum, already dressed.

"Darling…"

"Hmmmmm"

"I'm going. Please, remember the promise you made… no girlhunting. Please… I will miss you so much."

"Gawds, Lum, you're visiting Oyuki for less than a couple of days, you'll be back tomorrow night!"

"Yes, Darling. I will miss you terribly. Two days will be all eternity to me. I love you."

She kisses him on the cheek.

Lum stares at him, her great blue eyes locking on his own. A tear falls.

She hugs him and holds him tight, then flies away out of the window, her spaceship hovering a few feet above the roof.

In a minute, she's gone.

Ataru has a sad expression on his face… for a few seconds more.

Then…

"YAAAAHHHHYYY! Yesss! She's gone! For two days! I can go girlhunting as much as I want! Yeah!"

Ataru wears his casual clothing in record time and runs outside, while a sleepy Ten floats out of the closet.

"What the hell is all the commotion about…?"

For the whole morning, Ataru does not have all that luck. He collects about a dozen assorted slaps in the face, and a fifteen year old girl even calls the police! No new phone numbers and addresses.

Sure, that brunette gave him a good lead, but in the end she managed to disappear in the crowd. The problem is that every girl in Tomobiki knows him by now… maybe he should move down to some other Nerima areas, like, maybe, Furinkan…

He notices a Rolls Royce car parked next to a very fancy restaurant. A crowd of girls is around Mendo, and Ataru cannot help but envy his fellow high school student.

_Hey, Mendo is a lech just like me! But, his station allows him to have whatever he wants, all the girls he wants. Bah!_

Ataru decides that it's time to go back home, lunchtime is approaching.

…

Saturday afternoon. Nothing to do, Ataru is bored to death sprawled on the floor in his room, his eyes closed and both hands under his head, alone. All of a sudden, an image of Lum pops up in his mind.

A very faint emotion accompanies the image. A… longing, nostalgic feeling. As if… he misses her.

"Nonsense! I can't possibly miss her!"

_I'm just really lonely, and even Lum would be company, that's all._

Ten slowly drifts in the room.

He starts floating from one end to the other of Ataru's room, slowly hovering over Ataru's face.

"Hey, Ataru, I'm bored."

"Who cares."

"I said I'm bored."

"Yeah, and I said I don't care in the least."

"Maybe I should find something fun to do…"

Ten starts moving towards Ataru.

Ataru's hand slowly starts moving towards a heavy frying pan.

Everything seems to move in slow motion.

All of a sudden, Ten inspires and fractions of a second later shoots a mighty burst of flames, while Ataru with blinding speed jumps to his feet and parries the flames with the frying pan!

"You annoying little flying flame brat! You think you can win against me?"

"Ha! How about this!"

Another jet of flames misses Ataru, to scorch badly part of the wall.

He flails the pan towards Ten, missing him by fractions of an inch, before rolling on the floor. Ten breathes another burst of flames, singeing slightly a tigerstriped carpet.

"Look what you've done! I'll tell Lum! She'll scold you bad!"

Ten freezes for a second. That's all Ataru needs.

SDLANG!

The powerful hit sends a passed out Ten against the shoji door of the closet. The boy slides slowly to the tatami floor.

"Serves you right, you flying firebug!"

Ataru sits on the floor again, while Ten slowly comes round and again tries to approach his cousin's Darling.

"Don't even think about it." Ataru gingerly plays with the dented frying pan, his back towards Ten.

"Arrrgh! But I'm bored!"

"Well, that does not give you a license to scorch me! It's hot enough outside, I don't need you raising the heat in here as well!"

"What else there's to do!"

"Why, you could go play outside with Kokatsuneko, be his heating element since he's always so cold! Or share a good laugh with Sakurambo!"

"Stop teasing me, you dork!"

"Hey, it was only a suggestion! Next time, don't ask me for help!"

"I never asked, idiot! I made a statement!"

Ataru again cradles the frying pan in his hands, while Ten deeply inspires. All of a sudden, Ten changes idea.

"Hey, maybe I can find some new toy in the Galactic SpaceMarket mail order catalog!"

Every interest in Ataru lost, Ten starts rummaging thru all the stuff that Lum keeps in the closet.

After a little while he emerges with what looks like a panel of dark glass. The panel shines with light, and a whole lot of weird characters and images are displayed.

Ataru looks over Ten's shoulder. The little Oni moves to the other side. Ataru does the same, spying on the panel. Ten moves all over the room trying to no avail to shake off Ataru, still peeking over his shoulder.

"Hey! Do you mind?"

"Uh! Come on, little pest! I'm just curious, I've never seen this stuff before."

"What should I care!"

Ataru heaves the frying pan in his hands. This convinces Ten of Ataru's good intentions.

"OK, but don't bug me! And keep your hands off."

The boy goes through various menus displayed by the glowing panel, featuring weird ideograms and images.

"Why can't I read anything?"

"Because it's Uruseian. A caveman like you is too stupid to learn it."

"Sure, OK. Is there any way to turn it into Japanese?"

"Of course there is. But, you really don't think that I'd tell you how to, right?"

"Aw, come on, let me see what you want to buy. I promise I won't bother you."

Ten looks hard at Ataru, trying to read his intentions. Ataru puts on an almost angelical face. For a moment, Ten could swear Ataru's eyes turned a shade of blue with long eyelashes and a gentle, almost feminine expression illuminates him.

"Pleeeez…"

"By the Great Void, Ataru, stop that! It gives me the creeps!"

They look at each other for a few seconds. The Oni boy reluctantly punches a sequence of symbols on the screen, and all the ideograms turn to modern Japanese.

Ataru stays quiet and observes what Jariten is doing. As the products flash by, Ataru sees for a brief instant something that raises his interest, but keeps quiet. After a little while, Ten is satisfied of his purchase, a holographic projection cylinder.

Half hour later, a spaceship exits subspace right above Ataru's house; a tentacled alien floats out of the UFO and hands Ten a small package, then flies back to the vessel and disappears.

A happy and giggling Ten flies out of the window, to visit Kintaro on his school spaceship and show him his latest toy.

But… A wicked plan kept building up in Ataru's mind. As soon as the boy leaves the house, he retrieved the glass panel, and powers it up. Having memorized the sequence Ten used to turn the language configuration to Japanese he manages to access the main menu of the online catalog. For a good while he rummages thru hundreds of the weirdest gadgets. The pair of rings that attracted his attention earlier finally appear.

"Hey, these seem really interesting. Maybe I should give it a try!"

He completes the order, and waits, reading a Manga. A half hour later, the same spaceship warps out of subspace over his roof, and the same tentacled alien floats out of the vessel.

"You should make up your mind, customer #998566766654, I mean, I got deliveries to do on the other side of the quadrant, next time order everything together or else I'll charge you double delivery!"

"Uh, sure, excuse me!"

The weird alien drops a very small package in Ataru's hands, and leaves, muttering something about those obnoxious and loud aliens from Sol star system. Opening the package, he realizes that the instructions are in Uruseian! Shucks.

_Oh wait, maybe there's a way!_

Again turning on the panel, he looks once more for the rings and of course, a link opens the instructions… in Japanese.

_Well pretty straightforward. For the rings to work, they both have to be worn by each user at the same time… uh, 'be careful, each ring can be taken off only by the user that placed it'. Well, it's grand, isn't it. All I need to do is place this ring myself… he he._

Ataru looks at the two rings with glee. He wears one, and happily shoves the other in his pocket. Giggling madly, he runs downstairs to the telephone.

The small band of metal slips out of the pocket and falls in the middle of his room, rolling right under the window.

"Good afternoon, I'd like to talk to Mendo Shuutaro san. Hey, Mendo. No, I wanted to show you something… No, I'm not talking about nude girls! NO, it's not that, either! Come on, trust me just once! Yes, yes. I know you're busy!"

_Yeah, right, I saw how busy you are with the girls…_

"Uh, look… well… yeah, OK. Half past three PM, under the park's clock. Good. See you there…"

_This is going to be extreme… he he he! Lum is gonna be back tomorrow night, I have plenty of time… plus no one will believe Mendo!_

…

Ataru happily walks down the street to the park, the heat of the day slightly subsiding; he devised a clever plan.

_Gods, I'll have the girls all for me! While Mendo will have a hard time convincing everyone that he's not ME! Heheheh! And all this, without Lum in my way! _

His evil giggle echoes along the streets, neighbors close their windows and more than one concerned mother tells her sixteen year old daughter to pass up going out tonight!

_And these rings will work much better than those crazy earmuffs, since I will put it on Mendo's finger, and only I can take it off! Hehe!_

Tomobiki's most lecherous teenager cannot avoid but remember the trouble that those alien 'conscience swapper', apparently simple fur earmuffs, gave him a while ago. This time he knows how to make the rings work!

The rings: a device to exchange two people's soul. The idea of switching places with Japan's richest kid, even if for only a couple of days, to be able to hit on every girl in the city taking advantage of his persona, makes him shiver with glee! Of course, he does not even once think about the possible consequences of his deed.

All of a sudden, Mendo materializes, staring at his face. Ataru looks around, and indeed he realizes they both are under the park's clock.

"Uh! Good evening, Mendo! How are you!"

"I must admit that before your appearance I felt much better."

"Hehe! Yeah, sorry, I was just daydreaming…"

"I can just imagine what you were daydreaming about, Moroboshi. Now, cut the crap and tell me what you need so vehemently to show me."

"Eh! Yes, of course!"

Ataru puts his hand in his pocket, but cannot find the ring. He looks in his other pocket. Panic grips him.

"W-where did I put it?"

After a minute searching himself, he must realize the ring is lost.

"Oh, NO! I lost it!"

"Moroboshi, you summoned me only to tell me you have lost your mind! There was no need, I already knew!"

"I… I had a ring, and… never mind, I'll call you again as soon as I find it!"

Mendo glares Ataru with a fierce stare. His left hand's thumb slightly raises the Tsuba of his sword.

"As usual, Moroboshi, you're playing childish pranks with me. You really cannot help yourself, can you. As much as I'd want to, I cannot delve further dealing with a commoner, not even to punish you! You have wasted enough of my precious time! Please excuse me."

The richest kid in Japan and probably the world turns on his cell phone and less than a minute afterwards a black limo picks him up, leaving a depressed Ataru standing alone under the clock.

"No! I can't believe this! How could I lose it!" He slowly walks away looking at the ground.

_Maybe I can find it… I walked here, coming from that way, please please please let me find it…_

…

A tigerstriped circular spaceship approaches Earth orbit. An automated IFF system manifests the vessel to the planet's early warning satellite system, relaying re entry corridors and flight information, both to military and civilian aviation authorities. The vessel heads towards Nerima ward in Japan, and in scant minutes hovers above Moroboshi residence.

Lum is impatient to see her Darling. She decided to leave early using the excuse that Her Highness Princess Oyuki was too busy dealing with a snow lemming class action against the crystal elks over an ice manufacturing copyright infringement; to the Ice Princess, business always takes precedence… the actual truth is that Benten organized a surprise party in her family's palace, since her parents are away to wage a friendly and cheerful war with the neighboring planet, and was supposed to come pick her up on Neptune.

Every few months or so Benten throws a mixer party aimed to make Lum forget about Darling, and find a good replacement. When Benten invited her, she made so many remarks about her sex life, that Lum had a fit of rage, and almost burned the comms terminal where she received her call.

_Make me leave Darling! What nerve!_

The beautiful Oni girl effortlessly flies out of the open airlock of her spaceship, now hovering just above the Moroboshi house.

After a polite greeting to her parents in Law, which warmly welcome her, she bolts inside Ataru's room, hoping to find both Darling and Ten, possibly not arguing with each other.

But, a completely empty room welcomes her.

"Darling…"

A sad expression is painted on her face. She walks gingerly around the room, thinking what to do.

_Maybe Darling is girlhunting, as usual. I knew he would never honor his promise. He could be in the park, then…_

Before she can resolve to again take off to find Ataru, a shiny object on the floor attracts her attention. A ring! _What is a ring doing here?_

She picks it up. A shiny and totally smooth band of metal, with no stones. It does seem familiar though.

Her first reaction is of rage; as electricity sparks on her body, the thought that maybe a woman has been here with Darling? Girlhunting is one thing, but cheating… _No, it's impossible, both Father and Mother are downstairs, they would have noticed it. Maybe Darling bought it to give it to me?_

A warm feeling fills her soul, soothing her and wiping away every trace of anger.

Without thinking, she slips it on her finger.

…

All of a sudden, pain and a white flash. For the briefest of moments, she feels Ataru's presence within her. She finds herself in the park, with people walking by and looking at her. Head feels dizzy, and a strange queasiness grips her. She feels heavy, she cannot fly. "What the…"

Her voice!

Then, she looks at her hands. The ring! Rage fills her heart.

"Darling!"

…

A white flash, and pain. For an instant, he can feel Lum inside him. His room; jolting with surprise, he finds himself lightheaded… and light as air! His head hits the ceiling. "Ouch!"

His voice!

_OH Gods!_

Touching his head, he feels long hair and… and… horns! He's floating in the middle of the room!

Then, he looks at his hands. The ring! Fear fills his heart.

"Lum!"

* * *

-_continues_

Thank you for reading my story! Please comment and review, it is thanks to your feedback that I am encouraged to write new stories!


	2. Chapter 2

**The great switch**

**Rel 1.1**

By Pizzigri

Disclaimer: Urusei Yatsura and all characters (C) Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan/Kitty.

Things are now starting to get out of hand… I'm having a good time writing this! Watch closely how Ataru and Lum start behaving…

Please do comment, and maybe I can learn to write a bit better next time. Thank you!

Chapter 2

* * *

Ataru immediately tries to take the ring off.

The ring doesn't budge.

"What the hell!"

His hand slips, and in a fit of rage he feels mighty sparks flying around him, as a wave of pure power, heat and subtle pleasure washes over his body. He doesn't notice it.

_How can it be, why can't I take this darn thing off!_

Realization dawns in his mind!

_Oh no! I did NOT put this ring on, Lum did! Now, she's in my body, and cannot take off the ring I put on! Oh gods, this means that we… we… have to take each other's ring off! And when that happens, I will not be able to escape! She'll kill me!_

Desperation. And fear!

"Why, oh why do I always mess up so bad!"

Again, surprise, hearing his voice. It is Lum's voice. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, Ataru takes off and flies downstairs to the bathroom.

Only in front of the door he realizes that he used Lum's flight power as if he always knew how to use it.

In the bathroom, he looks at his reflected image on the mirror. Lum's beautiful eyes and face looks at him… but, it's not Lum inside this body.

His heart beats wildly; as if to calm down, he instinctively raises his hand on his left breast. He's shocked to feel the firm tenderness of his bosom! The warmness… the crown stiffening.

_Mmmhhh…_

He shakes his head.

"W-what the hell am I doing?"

He panics, both his hands on his head, as dim blue sparks start dancing on his skin. Again the warm wave washing over him, and the subtle vibrating pleasure in giving out energy. Startled by all these new emotions and sensations, he breathes deeply.

"Wait! Calm down, cool it, cool it, man. Breath… Yeah, cool. Take it easy, now."

Ataru closes his eyes and sighs.

"I am Lum now. I have to find a solution, I need to find… myself, and put everything back where it belongs!"

* * *

Lum finds herself blind with rage. She's unable to fly, or give out energy. Just like that time when Darling tied that darn yellow ribbon to her horns!

Bloody revenge and bodily punishment, bordering on outright torture, against Ataru, flash across her mind, clenching her fists.

_Now… just where would Darling be._

Of course, at the last known location of her body; his room!

"By our Sacred and Holy Dragons, I will make him pay for this!", she exclaims loudly, her fist high to the sky.

Shock. Again Darling's voice!

_That's right, I am in Darling's body, now._

She looks down to herself, feeling herself.

Wow.

There's not a single hint of fat, muscles are definite and… strong! It's like touching a statue, hard as granite, enclosed mere fractions of an inch below a soft and pliable skin.

_Is it so different, to touch Darling's body, like this._

He always cringed, softened, or downright escaped her touch. Every time she pinned him down and embraced him, he would relax so much she'd have the impression of hugging a limp, boneless body.

Lum never felt Darling's body so tonic, so… incredibly _hard _before.

She feels full of life. A moan escapes her, patting her rippling muscles all over, and then she remembers that she's right under the clock, in the middle of the park, with lots of people passing by!

"Ops"

A few couples pass by shaking their heads. Another girl peeks at her, totally disgusted. Some kids are also watching her, highly amused.

Lum smiles back, with a dumb, wide grin.

She then takes off, running wildly, savoring the sheer vitality and stamina Ataru's body seems to be swarming with, her anger momentarily forgotten.

She heads towards home. Fast as the wind! Faster than she could have ever thought possible, and running makes her feel good. It's just like giving out her lightning… but different.

_Darling loves running. Now I understand why! I never felt like this. The power, the speed… it's like flying, but on the ground!_

_...  
_

Megane, standing with both his hands behind his back, in a dignified and traditional stance, watches her run.

_I wonder where that pervert is going. I must investigate why he's running like that. _

He drily calls Kakugari, Perm and Chibi, wolfing down beefbowl seated out of the 'Big Beef' restaurant.

"Gentlemen! I believe Ataru is up to something against our beloved Lum-sama! We must discover what it is. He just escaped from something in the park. We have to go!"

"But, Megane… we still have not finished our Gyudon…"

Megane pushes his glasses on his nose, light glinting off the lenses.

"War does not wait for trivial things such as food, Chibi. You will be the first to fall in the midst of the brawl, if you do not obey!"

* * *

Ataru, in the meanwhile, chilled off and carefully walked back upstairs, avoiding his parents. Sitting down cross legged on the floor of his room, he thinks hard on what to do.

_There must be a way out of this. Or at least, a way to gain some advantage…_

His nature cannot ignore that he possesses a female body, though. He cannot avoid to think about it.

Fighting off his mounting lecherousness, his… male curiosity.

On the other hand, it's Lum's body. If it was anybody else's body, like Sakura, or Shinobu's, he would not think twice to… well, take _good_ advantage of the opportunity.

None the less, his hands slowly glide on his legs, from his knees up and back. He looks down at himself.

_By the Holy Gods._

_Take a look at these hands. At my breast. The skin… So soft and silky… _

Ataru suckles a sharp fang in his mouth and licks his lips, as his fingers slither along the edges of the tigerstriped bikini…

_Ooh… these thighs… my lap, m-m-my lower belly… _

His heartbeat increases, as his breath gets shorter and faster paced. Shivering, he finds his fingers gently prying between fabric and skin.

_NO! NO! I can't!_

He bites his lip. In an instant, he's at the window, breathing deeply, trying to calm down.

"This is LUM's body! I… I can't!"

_Damn! I don't want this body! I have to give it back to her… _

Guilt and shame, for his perversion; new-found emotions, for Ataru.

Lum cannot be the object of his lust. No. Not Lum.

Any other girl, he repeats to himself, he'd be _just_ happy to be in… Any girl… but Lum.

_I resisted Lum's seduction, the urge to jump on her even if she would have gladly given herself to me since she came to Earth, I will NOT touch her body now that I'm possessing it. What's the point of… self pleasure, when, instead I could have always had… No. _

There's no other way, he HAS to face Lum and her punishment in order to restore things as they were.

_I was at the Park clock. Maybe Lum is still there! I… I can fly, I can be there in no time! I have to find her!_

Ataru bolts out of the window and speeds towards the park, a couple minutes before Lum almost runs over Ataru's mom in the entrance corridor.

"Ataru, you _baka_! What the hell are you doing! Look at yourself, drenched in sweat! And take off your shoes!"

Lum looks down, heavily panting, to her feet on the Tatami. _Holy Dragons, she's right! I have to take off my shoes._

"I… I'm sorry, Mother. Have you seen Darli… I mean, Lum?"

"Ataru, what's wrong with you? Gods, you're getting worse every day. I should never have had you! You are my disgrace! Lum came home earlier, she's upstairs, always waiting for you, you ass! If it wasn't for her, I'd already have thrown you out of this house. Now get out of my face, I have to slave in the kitchen!"

Lum is aghast. She never heard Ataru's mom talk like this in her presence. Insulting Darling so much.

Scared from Ataru's mother outburst, she manages to whisper "But… Mother, I…"

"Ataru! Enough already! I told you to take off your shoes! And… by the Holy Spirits, you stink! Go have a bath, you foul and filthy pig!"

As Lum walks slowly upstairs, towards Ataru's room, she can hear her Mother in Law say:

"I never should have had him. That idiot ruined our life. Why, oh why didn't I go to the hospital and have it… _fixed_ when I had the chance, before the cursed day I delivered him?"

Father answers that question from the living room.

"Because you fainted at the invoice the Hospital quoted us to do so, that late in your pregnancy, Dear..."

"Uh! Of course I fainted! We had mortgage, and we were… are broke! It's your fault, you never had the backbone to ask for a raise! We barely manage to…"

Lum cannot stand to further bear her parent's in law bickering, and slams the door of Ataru's room shut.

Their words deeply shock her. She realizes that Ataru _really_ has never been wanted, loved in this family.

She never, ever thought about it in these two years.

She never noticed, oh, so _full_ of herself, crassly satisfied by the kind and loving attentions Ataru's parents always paid her. The caring and loving way she was _manipulated_. Oh, yes. Since Day One. And of course, she knows perfectly well about the generous flow of cash towards Ataru's family, to pay for her board here. To pay for the constant damages to the house she _causes_…

_Why am I thinking about this? Why am I thinking this way about myself?_

Her rage for Darling subsides, all she wants is to return things to normal.

And talk to darling… but, no one is in the room.

Looking around, she finds the crumpled instruction sheet of the rings and her SpaceFruit sPad abandoned on the floor.

She reads the instructions.

_Ah-ha, I remember these things now… Oh. OK, so that is why I cannot remove the ring. _

She sits on the floor, slightly tired from all the running. More than a couple miles, in a few minutes and in searing hot temperature. Her muscles now ache a bit, and she feels drenched in sweat all over her body.

_Where the heck is Darling… what should I do._

* * *

Ataru lands some distance from the clock. He looks around, but there's no trace of Lum, now in his body.

Seconds later, most people in the park stare towards him with an amazed look in their faces. Understandable. The park borders with Nerima ward, and people from outside Tomobiki-cho are not used to see a semi naked girl with green hair that actually flies… it is the main reason he convinced Lum to dress as an Earth girl in the first place.

But now, he's flashing her body around in her trademark bikini… and there's also something else.

The stares he feels locked on himself are… unsettling.

Uh. That's not curiosity… is it?

_Wait a minute. They are NOT simply amazed. These guys are looking at me… with lust!_

The thought hits him. He never noticed before.

_Yeah, well, how could I notice anyway, I mean, I was the one always looking to every other girl with lust in the first place… I couldn't care less what other guys were doing._

A wolf call. Feeling quite embarrassed (another first, for Ataru), he quickly walks away.

That's when he feels something unpleasantly cold touch his thigh from behind. A shiver quakes him.

Ataru spins on himself to face whoever did it.

_Uh? Nobody?_

Then, his gaze shifts down.

A round, bald and ghoulish face, horrible in its wrinkled archaic features, with two unbelievably deep black eyes that seem to drill into his very soul and an evil grin, suddenly appears!

"Yahhhh!"

He springs clear in the air, frightened to death!

Sakurambo looks up to him.

"So, it seems that the unlucky star under which you were born, Ataru, has finally decided to unleash on you the full punishment of transfiguring your mortal spoils in the image of both your savior and nemesis?"

Ataru lands at a distance, breathing rapidly, his heart occasionally still missing beats.

"You… What the hell are you talking about!"

The Buddhist monk narrows his eyes, gazing into Ataru's blue pupils.

"Ataru, I can perceive with the eyes of the soul. Mere appearance cannot prevent me from unveiling your true nature and… uh. But, I see. It is not a simple appearance. Your conscious self is indeed within Lum-chan's Oni body. You are truly possessing her. This must be the revolting craft of sinful, corrupt and malevolent entities…"

Ataru, having finally recovered from the terrifying experience of suddenly being exposed to Sakurambo's features, feels the urge to hit the monk with something heavy, like a steel crowbar or a baseball bat. Or, maybe, he's got something better…

"In fact, I can clearly see atrocious, ill-omened and ominous signs slowly evolving, clouding and despoiling the path upon which you intend to walk, inexorably and unavoidably dooming…"

ZAAZAPT!

The smoldering and charred remains of something still painfully muttering "it's fate…" are lying on the ground, while Ataru hovers away.

…

The happiness to have given Sakurambo the zap of his life fades.

Ataru tries to think rationally.

The first impact of having switched with Lum instead of Mendo overcome, he tries to think whether he can, in any case, have some advantage from the situation.

_I can't believe how wrong everything turned out. I can't do shit with Lum's female body, not even approach girls… uh, that's not entirely true actually, I could visit a public bath, and take a good look at the girls… but, then, I wouldn't be able to touch anyone. Hey, that's not true either, I could volunteer to wash the backs of the girls!_

He chuckles, picturing himself lathering the beautiful backs of naked women… until one of them turns smiling with devotion to him.

It's Lum.

He feels miserable.

_Ooooh… Where could Lum be now? Maybe she's confused. Maybe, something's happened to her._

Ataru sees Megane and the Stormtroopers walking towards him in the distance.

"Hi, Megane! Have you seen Lu… I mean, Ataru around here?"

Megane is surprised. He never heard Lum call Ataru other than 'Darling' before. So he was right! The dork did something groundbreakingly wrong to Lum!

He decides to gamble. This could be his occasion.

"Hello, Lum. I am sorry we cannot help you; we have no idea where Ataru is. Most probably, he's keen on sexually harassing some poor girl elsewhere."

"A-are you sure you did not see him? He was by the clock, maybe ten minutes ago. Please, it's really important…"

Chibi tries to say something but Megane blocks him.

"No, neither of us saw that depraved and lecherous lowlife today. I can only assume he mistreated you, _again_!"

He sighs, to pause for effect.

"Listen, Lum, I am very concerned. You really have to break free, fully live your life away from that cursed idiot; he truly does not deserve you. Why don't you consider someone more worthy to be at your side? I would gladly be your slave, if you only wanted. I believe I have more than once demonstrated my complete devotion to you, while Moroboshi has never failed to prove, beyond any reasonable doubt, he could not care less, always hurting you and turning his back, any time a half decent woman happened to be …"

Ataru runs out of patience real fast. A few sparks crackle around him.

"Uh, Megane, please spare me your 'devotion' and preaching crap. You didn't see Ataru around? OK, that's fine. Thank you. Bye."

He turns his back on his classmate. But, before Ataru can leave, Megane grabs his shoulder.

"Lum! W-Wait! Listen to me!"

"Megane… your hand. Move it, or lose it."

He lets go immediately, as the sting of high voltage bites him.

"O… only a moment more, please, Lum! I am only speaking the truth, can't you see? Ataru is a damn loser, he'll have his way with you in the end, drag you down to living hell! He's the worst choice you-"

Ataru spins towards Megane and holds menacingly his index finger up in front of his face. Megane never realized how freezing cold Lum's eyes are.

"Shut the fuck up, asshole, one more word and… !"

Then, fiercely glaring the Stormtroopers, he sidesteps Megane and walks away, fuming.

Megane's words offended Ataru. Not for the insults he indirectly received, he's used to that, but because of his classmate's annoying determination to have Lum leave him. He never bothered before, but being in Lum's body changed perspective.

_Strange_, Ataru thinks. _How very strange. I never really cared what Megane told Lum. Why did I go ballistic like that?_

The whole group of teens watch him take off and fly away, stunned.

"Gentlemen, did you see our beloved Lum-sama? Did you hear her enraged words, and the unprecedented change in title referring to that subhuman? He must have done something of unspeakable atrocity to her. We must capture Ataru Moroboshi and pry out of him the truth, with any means!"

Megane is shivering from fear and rage. Never has Lum treated him like this. Making him lose his face in front of his subordinates…! And, it's all Ataru's fault! Time to call Mendo…

* * *

Lum decides to stay home and wait for her Darling. He can fly and possesses all her powers now. He even could have access to her spaceship… well, provided he knew how to use the remote in the bra. Sooner or later, Darling will have to come home.

What to tell him? How to handle the situation?

Maybe he's afraid to face her.

She is still angry, right?

Something inside her head keeps telling her _forget it, who cares, just take it easy…_

Lum stands up from the desk chair. Only five minutes passed since she came home.

She feels terrible, all sweaty and sticky, in serious need of a bath. And, she badly has to go to the bathroom!

Lum feels incredibly embarrassed.

But, nature calls. It's no use trying to ignore it…

Lum comes out of the WC deeply blushing. She undresses very awkwardly and prepares to wash herself in the bathroom. Ataru's naked body is well proportioned, lean and sculpted; undoubtedly because of all the exercise and workout in running away from herself and chasing after the girls.

She can't help but chuckle watching herself in the mirror… Her hands feel her manly muscles, as she flexes them, admiring the rippling effect on her skin.

Wow.

At the same time, she notices the very subtle and almost invisible scars. Pale evidence of adventures that, literally, left a mark on him. More than she can count.

She sits on the stool, and starts to lather herself everywhere.

She tries not to think at what she's doing, but the idea that this is Darling's body…shoots fire in her veins.

A totally new, yet familiar, feeling of warm pleasure builds up in her, and she feels something stirring… Again, she tries to ignore it, biting her lips.

She uses a shower of cold water to rinse herself on purpose.

Immersing in the hot Ofuro, she thinks at what could be Darling doing to her body now… and she finds herself fantasizing about it.

She actually hopes he's enjoying himself… discovering her body, exploring it! Maybe, trying to find what pleases it and what does not.

Oddly, something she cannot imagine of herself in her present situation.

All of a sudden, a particular thought hits her.

_What… what would it feel like, to make love… as a man?_

She blushes again, picturing the fantasy, feeling herself tensing and stiffening.

Yeah! Making love to Darling… as a girl, inside her body.

An image of herself, naked, opening her arms to… herself, from Darling's perspective.

_Uuuh…_

Then other fantasies. Images of other naked women conceding themselves, briefly flash in her mind, including Oyuki, Ran and Benten. Yeah… Benten.

Hey, is _it_ this… _big_?

She immediately takes another bucket of cold water and splashes her face.

"Darling, all this is your fault! I never felt so ashamedly embarrassed in my life!"

_Could this be… his lecherousness? Remaining in this body? _

Lum shakes her head, trying hard to think about something else.

She recalls her brief conversation with her mother in law. What she learned from her… is really unsettling. They never loved him. No wonder he behaves like he does.

* * *

Flying over the park, Ataru concludes that Lum most probably has had his same idea, so while he darted to the park, she must have run towards his house!

It makes perfect sense, and he quietly curses to himself. So obvious! He's about to head home, when Mendo catches his eye, walking out of his personal Mercedes, heading to the park. He slows down and decides to talk to him.

"Hey Mendo. Have you seen… well, 'Darling'?"

"Oh! Good afternoon, Lum-san. I, uh, yes, met him earlier today, I'd say maybe twenty minutes ago. He was being the usual idiot, made me come all the way to the park clock for nothing. I left him there, blabbering about a ring, or something he'd lost. I am sorry that I cannot help you more than this; however, I received a phone call from Megane-san, informing me that he witnessed Moroboshi behaving very suspiciously, and that he may have done something… very inappropriate to you, so I came back. If…"

Again the rage. Stronger than before. His face twisted in an expression of feral fury, fangs bared and static crackling over his body.

_Megane… lied to me!_

"That bastard… why did he lie? Gods, I'll make him suffer… !"

Mendo gleefully caresses the grip of his sword.

"Lum, please tell me, did Moroboshi really do something despicable to you? I'll take good care of him!"

Ataru turns again to Mendo, glaring him.

"No, Mendo! He is NOT to be touched! I hold you responsible for any harm done to him!"

Ataru takes off again, while Mendo, shocked by Lum's reaction, misunderstands completely the reason of her rage!

"Moroboshi! It is true, then! You hurt Lum-san! Uuuh, but this time…"

In doubt whether to go and zap Megane or return home to find Lum, Ataru hovers above the edge of the park, when all of a sudden a spacebike coasts him. "Hey Lum! Whatcha doing here! We were supposed to meet at Oyuki's place, don't you remember? She told me you came back to Tomobiki couple hours ago!"

"Benten? Eh, actually, I…"

_Oh Gods! If she finds out I'm not Lum, it'll be double trouble!_

"Come on! We're going to be late for the party! And don't you dare say nay!"

"Party? But… but… ehm, I don't remember where I parked my UFO and…"

Benten reaches for his bosom, extracts from his bra the remote and instantly Lum's spaceship appears above them.

She teases her: "Lame excuse, Lum dear…"

Ataru is flabbergasted: _Where the hell did I keep __that__!_

A large hatch opens in the side of the craft following impossible geometries and Benten enters it with the whole spacebike. A totally surprised Ataru mechanically follows her inside.

Benten parks her vehicle in a cargo space within the airlock, where it is automatically swallowed inside the guts of the spaceship, and hurries to the controls in the piloting cabin.

"Hey, honey! Can I drive your toy?"

"Uh, s-sure…"

The spacecraft shoots upwards at incredible speed, with no care whatsoever for air traffic, causing untold panic in both civilian airliners and some military flights, not mentioning a DEFCON alarm!

"Now Lum honey, what is going on! Why did you come back here? That idiot still being finicky with you? I really don't understand, here you are, the dream sex toy any male in this quadrant hopes to play with, and he _still_ does not want to make out with you? Way I see it, he's not worth it! And, you're not bound to be tied to him!"

Ataru is totally shocked. His jaw hits the floor. Benten has always been quite blunt, but he never imagined she'd be so direct talking to Lum!

"What?"

Benten turns to Lum.

"Come on! Baby girl, you're behaving strange, are you all right? You know what I mean, I threw a mixer party at my place just for you, to have fun with the boys!"

"Fun with the _boys_?"

"Yeah! You have suffered enough at the hands of that lowlife, buried in that grave you call home! You need to LIVE! Forget about Darling the Loser, just let him die alone, break your, uh, _abstinence_ and have real fun with us! I invited _la crème de la crème_, I'm sure we'll find a gorgeous and… well endowed boy that can _replace_ that asshole!

Now shuddup, or we'll collide with something and end up as cosmic dust! Enjoy the ride!"

The stars visible from the wall sized screen suddenly streak out in a Star Wars effect.

_Benten is trying to make Lum leave me? TAKE LUM AWAY FROM ME?_

A sudden furious rage makes him shiver. He bares his fangs and clenches his fists. Sure enough, a surge of powerful energy send hot waves through his body, sparks fly around him and again he feels intense pleasure from it. This time he notices it.

Slow, steady vibrating and warm, fuzzy waves of physical pleasure, in tune with the energy and the tickling of the electric sparks arcing on her bare skin!

It shocks him… which is what probably saves a totally oblivious Benten, focused on piloting the ship, whistling some alien tune, from being electrocuted.

_So… Lum feels __pleasure__ giving out energy? When she electrocutes me, she… __likes__ it? Oh, Gods!_

Ataru realizes that since he's been in Lum's body he's become extremely touchy and irritable, getting furious just too often; it's like he sort of inherited her fierce, short fused temper. And that's not all! Many of her abilities just come natural to use. There's also something else…

Utter confusion in his head.

_What should I do? I need time to think._

He wearily floats towards Lum's quarters in the ship, to drop in the large bed. He lies on the tigerstriped blanket staring at the steel ceiling. Worry and remorse bite hard, while he tries to think a way out.

_How can I pull it off with Benten. She caught me by surprise, now I can't just tell her 'no', I need to play along for a little while and then find a way_ _to quietly walk out of her party and return to Earth…To Lum… hey, wait a minute!_

_Shit! Who's going to pilot this thing?_

"Why in the name of the Gods did I have to get these damned rings…"

…

_-Continues_

Thank you for reading my story! Please comment and review, it is thanks to your feedback that I am encouraged to write new stories!


	3. Chapter 3

**The great switch**

**Rel 1.1**

By Pizzigri

_Disclaimer: Urusei Yatsura and all characters (C) Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan/Kitty._

Well, since I am who I am, I cannot write a fanfic that doesn't have at least some serious stuff in it. Sorry…

Please do comment, and maybe I can learn to write a bit better next time. Thank you!

...

**Chapter 3**

**...  
**

* * *

On Earth, we find a very worried Lum.

She's waiting in Darling's room, dressed with fresh clothes after her bath. It's almost dinner time; Ataru completely disappeared, and only The Holy Dragons knows Ten whereabouts.

All sort of sex related thoughts occasionally pop up, distracting her, and she concludes that, indeed, she must have inherited it from Darling. How annoying.

The doorbell rings.

"Mother, I'll answer that!"

She runs downstairs to open the door, hope shining in her eyes.

"Oh, it's you, Satoshi-kun. Please, come on in."

Megane is again surprised. Indeed, akin to Lum, Ataru too behaves in a strange way! Being _polite_? Further evidence that he's absolutely right! Something ominous happened to Lum!

"Hello Ataru-kun. No, I wanted to briefly talk to you, would you be so kind to come out a second?"

"Sure."

Lum does not suspect Megane. She puts on her sneakers.

As soon as she walks out of the door, the rest of the Stormtroopers jump and pin her down, while Chibi shoves a bag over her head!

Lum shrieks and tries to escape, but Kakugari has a good hold of her, violently twisting her arm.

"Gentlemen, let's take this scumbag to our hideout!"

They throw a completely tied up Lum in the back of a Type 82 Kubelwagen, obviously loaned by Mendo.

Fear, and chaotic thoughts whirl in Lum's mind as the Stormtroopers take her to Tomobiki High School's clock tower.

...

They throw her on the dusty floor of the small room and remove the cloth bag off her head.

"Megane! What the hell are you doing! Let me go immediately, I'm telling you!"

"Moroboshi. Confess! You did something ominous to Lum-sama. You are guilty!"

"How did…"

Lum's words die in her throat. She immediately realize that Megane hasn't the slightest idea of the switch, and that most probably just noticed the obviously odd behavior of both of them and imagined who knows what. But she just slipped!

"Ah-HA! So you DO confess. What did you do!"

"Megane, this is only a misunderstanding. I did nothing to Lum. I assure you! Please, let me go now, otherwise…"

"Yes? Otherwise, what? Ataru! I know you performed something utterly revolting against Lum. I have personally experienced her anger, her utter loathing and scorn! At this point, the only thing I imagine you could have done… is rape her!"

Lum shakes her head.

_Yeah… I wish Darling did!_

"You really don't think I would rape Lum, of all girls? I mean, Lum! I can have her anytime I want, Megane! She's always all over me! Dominating me, suffocating me! Rape Lum, ME? Come on!"

Lum is surprised by her own words. She started trying to imitate Darling… but the last phrase, that came out by itself!

Megane thinks it over for a few moments. His gaze falls on Ataru's hand for the first time.

He finally notices the ring.

Without warning, he kicks her in the face.

Lum falls back, shocked at what Megane just did. Her head bounces off the floor, hard. Her eyes stare at the distant ceiling for a second, her mind trying to rationalize what is happening around her; suddenly, the rest of the kids stomp and hit her with punches and kicks.

Blows to the ribs. Her legs. The stomach. Pain! Fear! The beating goes on for a couple of minutes. She curls up in a ball.

"Stop, gentlemen!"

Lum feels totally terrorized. She never felt so vulnerable, so… powerless.

Her fear is such that she fails to notice the _physical_ _pain_.

To be exact, the lack of it!

The strikes, the vicious blows to vital points. They don't even _hurt_.

Her body is really reporting the pain as if some six year old kids punched it. It is obvious that Ataru's body can easily withstand amazing punishment, which could even mean certain death to an average man.

But the psychological pressure is tremendous. She feels the hits, and her mind simply suggests there _must_ be pain! She feels her head explode, hurting! There's a part of her mind that is still rational, though. And she realizes that even if this body can easily take it, her psyche is not geared to withstand it.

"As much as I hate to admit it Ataru, you are probably right. None the less, I know you displeased our Lum-sama in some other, equally vile, way."

"Megane, you're scaring me! I did nothing to Lum! She's been on Neptune all this time, with Princess Oyuki, I know this for a fact!"

"Even if this is true, You are to be punished. I see a ring on your finger. A present from another woman, obviously. I can only assume that Lum-sama was upset, when I saw her at the park, today, because of this. Are you going to confess your sin?"

"Lum! Lum just gave it to me! He… She has a ring like this on her finger too! Didn't you see it?"

Another, strong, kick square to the face. The heavy work boot makes contact with her nose and cheek! Stars everywhere. Her head pushed back, she bangs it against the wall and falls face first to the pavement.

Lum smells something burning, while large black spots appear on the floor. She giddily realize that it's her own blood, from her nose. Her eyes sting, watering, tears mixing with blood.

"You… you… will pay for this, Megane! Wait till I tell Lum! She will be so angry! She'll get you… She will!"

She utters the words through a broken and frightened voice, in an almost bawling tone.

Megane notices the blood on the floor and on her face.

His eyes widen with surprise.

_Impossible! Ataru is darn near invulnerable! Gods, something must be REALLY wrong, here!_

He's shaken by this.

"Ha ha! Ataru, I would face Lum's wrath anytime, if it is for her good! But, Gentlemen, I believe that for today we've done. Ataru, I don't know what's gotten into you, but you are such a sissy today. I pity you. So that's it! Let's move it, gentlemen!"

Megane's arrogant tone badly conceals his worry.

_Have… have I crossed the line, this time? _

He exits the room, followed by everyone else, except Perma, crouching at Ataru's side.

"Hey, Ataru, are you all right? You lost blood only for a couple kicks in the face, come on man, you can take five times this shit, and laugh your ass off! We do it every _week_! Megane wouldn't show it, but even he's concerned! Do you need any help?"

Perma loosen the knots that tie Lum down.

Lum stares at him. Tears start flowing.

_Darling… gets hurt so much, and bears it…? Every time… By the Holy Swamps!_

Bawling, she's unable to say anything.

"Hey, man, get a hold of yourself! You're not a little kid!"

Then lowering his voice "Gods, Ataru, don't cry, it gives me the creeps. What the hell is with you, man? I never saw you like this. Did… you break up with Lum, and she left earth, or something?"

Lum curbs her feelings, taking a deep breath. _I must be strong._

"Thank you, Kosuke. No, it's alright. Lum still loves me as much as ever, and I personally can assure you she's here on Earth. It's just that… I just need to be alone a bit. P-please go… Thank you again. I'll be OK"

"Hey, I'm sorry, Ataru. OK, see ya."

Lum is finally alone in the dark clock tower. Physical pain practically vanished, and her nose stopped bleeding almost immediately once her… friends stopped beating her. She now feels her body as if nothing happened. Sure, her ribs are a bit sore, but not much. Undoubtedly, Darling's amazing strength and recovery abilities. But this experience left a deep emotional scar into her. Kidnapped, beaten by _her friends!_ On a whim, only because they thought that Darling… did something to _herself! _Stupid… stupid and foolish adoration for Lum, the Space girl!

This time she really was scared. She still is. She can't help it; she weeps again.

She ironically thinks, _Weeping._ _How unmanly of Darling._

* * *

…

"Hey sexy girl!"

Ataru jumps off the bed!

"Who? What?"

Dozing off, lost in his thoughts, about what Lum could be doing now in his body and damning himself since he did not think to avoid completely Benten's abduction while he could, back in Tomobiki, he did not realize a few hours have passed.

"We landed… and we have to take a good shower and dress up, The boys are waiting for us!"

Ataru takes one long puzzled look to Benten.

"By the eternal soul, Lum, get fucking on with it! What's wrong with you, did that dickhead Darling make you cry _again_? I'll have to take good permanent care of him, as soon as we get back to Tomobiki."

_No! Lum is in my body!_

"Don't you dare!"

Ataru feels an overwhelming rage rising and the words come out as a low, threatening growl. His fangs are bared, slightly crouching in an aggressive stance and primal energy flows thru him, crackling with blue static and sparks, arcing between his body and the metal walls and floor of the ship. His gaze must be really scary, as Benten silently takes a couple steps back!

"Hey, hey, chill out, Lum! Allright, I won't touch your _precious_ Darling. At least I recognize you now… uh?"

She takes his hand in her own.

"Nice. What is this? A ring? Who gave it to you? Don't tell me Ataru did."

Instant mood change, from fury to full blush!

"Uh… No, it's an ooold ring I… ah, had in my jewelry box. It does not mean a thing… haha, see, I just felt, like, putting it on…"

"Sure. It looks quite cheap though, if you ask me… not really chic to wear it. But, if you like it…"

Then, she starts pushing Ataru to the shower.

"Nuff talkin'! …come on, we still have to take a good shower and dress up. Let's go!"

Benten closes the automatic door of the bathroom behind her and in a matter of seconds strips of her chains and metal battle bikini remaining stark naked! Ataru looks at her strong and athletic body and blushes slightly.

"Hey! W… what a magnificent body!" he exclaims, not aware he actually voiced his thought.

Benten loosen her long black hair, removing the headchain.

"Well, thank you, baby. I know, I'm good, but I still believe you're _way_ sexier than I am. I'm made to fight… you're made to make love."

This time, despite himself, Ataru blushes deeply.

"What the heck are you waiting for" she asks him.

Benten stands in front of him, dangerously near, and shaking her head, reaches behind Ataru's back, unfastening his bra. For a moment, she pushes her bare breast against his bosom, lightly brushing it. Ataru wants to die.

She pulls away.

"You really must have something wrong, Baby. I never saw you so out of your depth. Come on, let's have a shower now. By the way, you still have to take off your bikini bottoms. I can remove those too, if you want."

"E… ehm, w-w-why don't you shower first a-a-and I…"

"Nonsense! Come over here, tiger girl!"

Benten playfully grabs Ataru and pulls him inside the shower with her. The sudden impact with the water… he closes his eyes and feels Benten pulling down his bikini bottoms.

Then, she starts lathering his back and hair, while he feels like a wooden log lathering himself. He never felt so ashamed to touch a woman's body before… since it is Lum's body he's touching. But… the combination of Benten's slow and gentle strokes… and his own…

_Mmmmmhhhh…_

"Watch it, Lum. Your electric juice is a no-no in here."

All of a sudden Ataru returns to reality and grasps he's arousing himself.

_No! I need a distraction! Exchange-traded derivative contracts are standardized derivative contracts (e.g. futures contracts and options) that are transacted on an organized futures exchange; these contracts can include futures, call and put-_

"Yo, baby, your turn."

Benten turns her back to him, lathering herself, and Ataru finds himself with soap in one hand and sponge in the other.

_Oh gods. How many times have I dreamed of Benten asking me to lather her back…_

_and when she does, I'm... Lum! If I lose it now, I'm as good as dead!_

His hand shivers, as he glides the soapy sponge across Benten's back.

_G-Global Tactical Asset Allocation, or GTAA, is a…uh, top-down financial investment strategy that… uhm, attempts to exploit short-term market inefficiencies by establishing sex positions in an assortment of market pleasure points with the goal to reach climax… Hey! what the hell am I thinking?_

Ataru realizes he has one hand gently caressing Benten's lathered breast and the other…

Benten slowly turns to face Ataru, with a feline smile. She puts her arms around his neck and looks straight into his eyes, leisurely pulling him to her, for a full body contact and pushing her knee and leg forward.

"Hey Lum, I like it how you scrub me. Very sexy. Should I take it as an open invitation, or you still like guys more than gals? Hey… want a kiss?"

She swamps him square on his lips.

Ataru almost faints, his mind overloading. It's by sheer luck he manages to keep electricity under control…

Minutes later, coming out of the bathroom with a towel around both, Benten sports a very satisfied expression on her face. Ataru is blushing, deeply embarrassed.

"Come on Lum, I was just teasing you! All that fuss… and only a little kiss. We've gone much further than this in the past, a couple years ago at that party… that time we didn't stop until we finished!"

_FURTHER THAN THIS IN THE PAST? Lum's got a hell of a lot explainin' to me!_

She drops her towel and starts putting on lingerie.

"Hey, come on! Just think at all the boys waiting for you!"

"But… but… Ataru, I mean Darling! I… uh- love him! And… and he…"

Benten is rummaging in Lum's wardrobes.

"Oh, sure. Even if what you say was true… and it ain't… There's a wild place, on Earth, called Las Vegas. I've been there once. They say: what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! Well, same here. Let me help you. I think this rag is sexy enough."

* * *

…

"Who the hell is inside here?"

Onsen mark slams open the door of the clock room. Lum jumps to her feet, her heart in a frenzy.

"Moroboshi! I knew it! It is always you! It is a week of water closet cleaning duty for you, wise guy! Now, you'll come with ME!"

He aggressively moves towards Lum.

Before the English teacher could grab her, she transforms in an indistinguishable blur that darts around and past him along an impossible trajectory, escaping from the small room.

In mere seconds, she's out of the school.

...

As darkness falls, Lum hikes back home. Her eyes reddened from tears, and her world crumbling as the truth of what's she discovering about Darling is staggering. Occasionally, a nice girl attracts her attention, and what flashes in her mind makes her feel even worse.

Once inside the house, she takes off her shoes and quietly walks to the kitchen. Ataru's parents do not even acknowledge her presence, both in front of the TV set, one of the very rare occasions in which Ataru's father puts down his newspaper. There's a plate of leftovers on the table for her. Without thinking, she covers it with half inch of a mixture of Tabasco, hot Pimento sauce and raw Wasabi; at the first bite, she almost chokes. White hot molten steel, exploding like a volcano in her mouth.

"ARGH! Water! Ach! Holy Swamps, this hurts, so bad!"

It takes at least three minutes to breathe again, and another ten minutes to quench the burning in her throat and nose. Her eyes water so much she almost can't see.

Lum can't help but think about Darling. About all the things she has done to him. If the _mild_ mixture she uses here tastes so bad… what about all the _savory_ treats she brings back from Oniboshi and carelessly shove down his throat every now and then?

And… what… what does it feel like to be electrocuted?

It's a keen pleasure giving out energy.

Many Raijin Oni like to exchange energy making love, too.

She knows that it can be harmful, to humans, in _high_ doses. But, what if Darling's sensibility to electricity is similar to his taste to spicy flavor? Even mild zaps, used as light buffs to make children behave on Oniboshi, could be unbearable to him! And… and the strong zaps? The real strong ones, when she's angry?

She tiredly walks upstairs, feeling depressed. Lum opens the door to Ataru's room.

"Darling…?" There's no answer.

_I'll have to do at least a shower, before going to bed, thanks to Megane. I hope Darling will be back soon, I am getting really worried. I wonder where Ten is?_

All of a sudden, Ten flies out of her closet and blows a fireball at her. With lightning reflexes, she picks up a heavy frying pan from the floor and parries the fire, before rolling on the tatami in a defensive stance! She's surprised at the sheer speed she did all this, without even thinking.

_These must be again Darling's abilities, I am using them unconsciously!_

"Ten! Stop that, or else!"

"Hu hu hua ha ha! Or else what? Come on, idiot, try to catch me!"

"I said stop it! I am Lum, not Darling! Do you understand?"

Ten immediately freezes.

He floats next to Lum's face.

"Well… of all your excuses… this one is the lamest."

He breathes fire almost at point blank range. Lum shrieks from pain.

After a split second the frying pan has a new dent on it, and Ten is flying out of the window.

Lum is outraged. Cleaning her blackened face, she yells to Ten:

"You are going to pay for this, you damn firebug!"

Ten screams back, yelping.

"Ouuch… you hurt me, dork! That hurt a lot, look, I'm bleeding! _Sniff_! Now.. now… I'll go and tell Lum, and she will electrocute you! So there! Bwahaahaaa!"

"Please, be my guest, but don't be surprised she already knows, brat!"

She drops the pan to the floor.

_This is a nightmare. It's absolutely incredible. Darling takes hits from everywhere and everyone._

_How the hell does he survive all this? How am I going to survive another day of all this?_

A few minutes later, she sees Ten's little spaceship take off. There goes her last hope to get help.

_That… spoiled brat. Once… once I get my body back, he'll be sorry! Yeah!_

She crumbles to the floor. Sitting cross legged and cuddling herself, her hands on her face, she starts quietly sobbing again.

* * *

...

Ataru resignedly slips on the sleek black tigerstriped go go boot. That's it, he's dressed.

For a moment, he feels a bit uneasy, as if he was, like, a drag queen, or something.

He turns to Benten. Wow. She looks great instead, with a very daring and elegant, yet martial, dark metal and chainmail dress.

Doubt again seizes him, again considering where Benten wants to take him.

_I can't do this._

"Benten. I really don't feel well, I want to go home. Please."

She looks up to him, mouth open.

"Holy shit… Lum baby, you're absolutely stunning. You are going to be the dream plate tonight. Take a look!"

She pushes him in front of a mirror.

The woman that stares back to him is incredibly beautiful and outrageously sexy. Ataru is shocked at his own sight.

He put on the clothes that Benten chose from the wardrobe, a form fitting black evening dress weaved with metal gold tigerstriping, daringly short to perfect her beautiful legs sheathed in smooth stockings and with a deep V cut enhancing her magnificent cleavage. Benten only slightly touched his face with makeup. Still Benten combed and dressed his green blue hair and chose jewelry for him.

Dressed to kill!

His blue eyes… He blinks a couple of times. He smiles.

Holy WOW.

_I could fall in love this moment with this woman. But… I AM this woman, now._

He turns back to Benten.

"I want to go back home. Now."

"You are not, baby. You are going to come with me, and at least see the boys. It's the first time in a year I manage to drag you here! Once you've done this, I'll let you go. You're on my planet now, you cannot take off if I don't allow it."

Benten grabs Ataru's wrist and yanks him out of Lum's spaceship.

Ataru looks with astonishment at the private spaceport. It's dark, on Benten's planet, with a lot of iridescent and multicolor aurora glowing in the skies above them. Probably night time. A colossal, brightly shining, palace stands before them: Benten's family dwelling. Something akin to a tapis roulant speeds them through a great entrance, and inside a huge dancing hall, Benten and Lum appear on top of a gigantic staircase. Music stops, and they are both officially introduced. The whole floor cheers and acclaim them as if they were both empresses.

Ataru does not believe the sheer quantity of men and teenagers that call Lum's name. How the hell do they know her? He looks, wide eyed, at some of 'the Boys'. Many are more handsome than Rei. Even he finds them striking.

What irony. After all his girlhunting, Lum remained loyal to him…and the moment he takes her place, he's about to… to…

He feels embarrassment, guilt, and shame.

_No. Luckily, I'm a MAN! Ugh! I can't possibly conceive to be with another man, not even in a girl's body!_

Lots of gorgeous girls, as well. However, for the first time, he does not feel any attraction for them, his mind only recording and classifying their beauty. As a woman would do.

No doubt everyone is here simply to see Lum. To have a glimpse of Lum.

As he hovers down the staircase and gently touches the dancing floor, all the guests make way. He can feel their desire, lust, it's almost tangible, almost overwhelming. A unknown shiver flashes in his body.

He does not realize it, but he moves in an incredibly sensuous and sexy, yet elegant and subtle, way. He totally inherited Lum's moves and body language, and puts on quite a show, simply walking.

It's not looks alone. A secret power, unknown to Ataru, based on pheromones and unconscious telepathic abilities, affects everyone close by, the ultimate seductive weapon that makes Lum irresistibly attractive to _almost_ every biocompatible male. That '_almost'_, being Ataru…

Noting the effect his presence has on everyone, for the first time, Ataru really understands who has lived with him for the last two years.

And he finds himself at fault, wanting. Unworthy. Really not on a par with even the humblest pretender attending this party.

Both Benten and Megane were right, after all.

But… deep down, he always suspected his inadequacy. So, he willfully rejected her. Kept Lum at a distance, to avoid corrupting, spoiling her. To protect her… from himself. To avoid contaminating Lum with his infecting lust. For a moment, his head spins. He feels queasy, thinking of himself. Pitiful… just pitiful.

_So, finally realizing that I'm not good enough for Lum is what it actually takes to admit to myself my own, absolute love for her?_

Benten whispers to him.

"See? You are the most prized reward of this galaxy's quadrant. Thousands of the wealthiest and most powerful males of all Humanoid races –and some of other races as well! - would literally _kill_ only for a night with you. I still cannot believe why you're so stubborn to stay with that idiot."

"I really don't understand either. She deserves better."

"Lum? What did you say?"

"Ah - I mean, OK I have seen the boys. Now please, I beg of you, take me back to Earth. Please."

"I am sorry, you know perfectly well you cannot leave immediately. It's called protocol. You cannot walk in here without doing some critical PR unless you do not want to start some fucking war! Plus, excuse me, if you don't want to have fun, that's your call, but I do."

"What… What am I supposed to do?"

Benten turns to stare at him.

"Lum, you should know what to do! You… really are not yourself today… uhm"

Her eyes narrow dangerously, an obvious doubt flashing in Benten's mind. Ataru catches it immediately.

So he sheepishly smiles.

"Aaahh. You want to play. OK then, let's play! I'll do all introductions."

That was a close shave!

...

* * *

_-continues_

Thank you for reading my story! Please comment and review, it is thanks to your feedback that I am encouraged to write new stories!


	4. Chapter 4

**The great switch**

**Rel 1.1**

_By Pizzigri_

Disclaimer: Urusei Yatsura and all characters (C) Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan/Kitty.

The transfiguration is complete. Realization dawns in both teenagers, and untold secrets between them unfold, shedding light over murking darkness, revealing each other's true selves.

Please do comment, and maybe I can learn to write a bit better next time. Thank you!

**Chapter 4**

* * *

…

"LumMMOOoohh!"

A hulking and towering creature, with a black striped orange body, resembling some weird cross breed between a cow and a great feline, rushes forth with no regard for those standing in its path, his objective clear: the woman everyone believes to be Lum.

"Rei?"

Ataru jumps clear of the savage and craving creature's grasp, as Benten's surprised expression very rapidly turns into rage.

"Who the hell allowed HIM in MY party?"

Rei manages to follow Ataru in flight, jumping aloft then bouncing off a wall and tackling him midair, wrapping his paws around Ataru's body; they both land after a somersault and in a moment, Rei's bulk deflates and disappears, leaving in its wake an incredibly handsome green haired man in his early twenties.

"Lum."

Rei's calm, deep and warm voice mesmerizes Ataru.

The tackle turns to a strong and firm, yet gentle and warm, embrace and he cannot escape the Oni intense and hypnotic gaze.

_By all that's holy and sacred…! He's gorgeous!_

Rei's right hand soothingly glides in slow circles on Ataru's naked small of the back, stirring unknown emotions in him, while the young Oni shapeshifter's left hand caresses softly the hair on the back of Ataru's head.

Ataru protectively keeps his arms up between their chests, his hands balled in fists kept next to his bosom. He blushes, while his heart beats wildly.

Totally entranced, his mind a blank, Ataru cannot turn away as Rei slowly draws in to kiss him.

"Rei, you fuckin' retard, what the hell are you doin' here!"

Benten's scream breaks the spell. A vivid image of himself, earnestly smiling and holding up his right hand in a V sign flashes up in Ataru's mind.

_No! Lum!_

Back to his senses, Ataru reacts immediately, sending an energy bolt through the body of the Oni shapeshifter so strong the immense dancing hall's lighting is briefly subdued by its brilliance. The roar of the discharge echoes in the whole palace.

Ataru, his right hand on his chest and panting heavily, glares on to the charred and twitching Tigercow on the floor. Wrath and rage are not enough to describe what he feels now, as shame and embarrassment fuels his fury even more.

"He.. he dared make me feel like… Gods, oh Gods, how could I… for this ANIMAL!"

Another lightning, stronger than the first. Rei writhes briefly, and then stands still.

"Hey! Stop that! I'll take care of him, I understand how you feel, Lum, but that's enough!"

Benten tries to calm down Ataru, while a medical squad escorted by quite a few armed soldiers rapidly carry away the smoldering creature.

The music promptly resumes, and most of the guests witness to the quarrel comment to each other in awe at Ataru's display of power. Many are secretly very aroused by the show and dream of privately subduing and… _taming _Lum_,_ having their way with the beautiful Oni.

"Lum? Are you all right? Striking Luck, kitten, I'm so sorry. I didn't invite Rei, no idea how he got wind of the party! Come on, let me get you somethin' to drink."

Ataru is still shaken by what happened. He almost yielded to Rei's avances. To a man! A MAN!

_Shit, this is getting serious, I'm really scared now, we have NOT simply switched bodies! I mean, I can't… uh, shouldn't… be attracted to other men, but I thought of Lum, and… she popped up in my mind with MY face! As a… male! And Rei…Hey, I thought that Lum was immune to his power!_

Cold sweat beads his forehead. A shade paler than white, he addresses Benten in a shaky voice.

"Benten… I need to sit down! I feel dizzy… Ugh! I want to throw up!"

Benten offers a crystal flute to Ataru.

"Here, here! Baby, take it easy! Drink this, it'll make you feel better."

Ataru regains some color in his face. The slurry drink flavor is quite dull and only slightly salty, but gives him a pleasant warmth in his body.

"what… is this?"

"Uh? It's supposed to be one of your favorite drinks, it's based on Earth's Umezu. Maybe it's not prepared right?"

_Umezu! Right, Lum gets drunk eating Umeboshi!_

"R-R-Right, Benten… no, it's OK. I am still shaken by what Rei did! Sorry."

Benten chuckles merrily.

"Good girl! Just forget about it. Now that you're cool, let's have some fun! And don't worry, I'll tight up security. I'd like to introduce you to some friends you may like!"

Benten throws the very large, and now empty, glass of liquor she gulped down hard on the floor, and wraps her fingers on Ataru's hand. Ataru resignedly allows himself to float as the strong Goddess of Luck cheerfully tows him to the dancing floor.

…

Roughly a quarter of an hour since Rei's incident, an incensed redhead girl marches down the hall, scantily clad in a very provoking pink metal bikini, with shiny grey metal collar and forearms and matching Stiletto boots.

She possesses elflike earlobes, vampire fangs are obvious in her tense grin and her eyes are blood red.

Ran!

'Tightened security' is nothing but a joke for the Q'aari native.

A small group of grey skinned and extremely well built humanoids with shiny platinum manes vainly try to flirt with an embarrassed Ataru, their clicking language discreetly translated by his earrings into Japanese (Ataru's native language, automatically detected by the devices), a must since the immense variety of different languages used throughout the Quadrant.

He's standing next to the dancing floor, where creatures from every possible race are having a good time, alone since Benten briefly left to properly welcome the Nth delegation of alien dignitaries.

Ataru notices the redhead approaching and dismisses his peers, turning to heartedly smile to the familiar face.

"Hi, Ran-chan! Am I glad to see you! How are-"

"Shush and come with me."

She gracelessly grabs Ataru's wrist and yanks him to a slightly more private corner of the hall. Her voice is livid.

"Now, now, Lum-_chan_ what is this idea? So it _is_ true, you really did decide to come party! Isn't this surprising."

"Uh, it's not what it seems, I mean, I…"

"Shut up, bitch! I followed poor Rei-_kun_ here, as soon as I got news of this… celebration. You swore to me you never attended Benten's parties, and the one, single time I drop by to stop Rei from doing something stupid, not only I find him pounded to a pulp. Nope, I actually discover that the _one_ person that shouldn't have been here in the first place did it! You lied to me! I should have known it."

"Hey, wait a minute here, Ran! You're making a mistake!"

"Oohh. So, I'm making a mistake…"

Ran's chilling voice gives Ataru the Goosebumps.

"No, Lum. There's no mistake! At long last, you finally show your true colors. All your talk about Darling… 'I love him so much, he's my only love, I can't live without him', well, it's all bullshit! Bullshit!"

Ran's eyes bore into Ataru as if she could kill him by just glaring him.

"You merrily came here to cheat on him. You came here to _score_…!"

She claps her hands and laughs madly.

"Hahaha, now isn't this a totally unexpected turn of events!"

"Ran…"

The redhead gracefully twirls on herself, as if dancing, to face Ataru again, a charming smile on her face, the tone of her voice disturbingly cute.

"Oohh, yes… This is going to be so-o-o sweet…"

Ataru shakes his head. _She's totally crazy!_

Ran hisses: "Let me tell you this, bitch. By the Great Swamps, I'll _savor_ enlightening Darling about you. Telling him what a whore you are! Describing in painstaking and _spicy_ detail how you _conceded_ yourself here. How you're _just like him!_ He's going to love it. And maybe, I'll kiss him and suck every single iota of life out of him! Oh, how he'll suffer…! Little Ran-chan will finally have her sweet revenge!"

Ataru's jaw hits the floor. He manages to whisper: "Revenge…?"

"What are you, nuts, or something? Yeah, revenge, for what you did! Since we were kids! For all the spankings, abuse and punishments I got from your schemes, since I always took the blame! Then, for playing the Alpha chick, always showing off how utterly, filthy rich you are around me! And to top it off, for taking my only love, Rei, away from me! So, I'll take away your Darling from you, so we're going to be even! So there!"

An evil gale of laughter escapes her. Ataru listened, totally bewildered, to the redhead's rant with increasing exasperation, and now surprise and annoyance are replaced with cold irritation and rage.

"Ran, maybe you're forgetting something?"

"What?"

"You are throwing all this shit right in my face."

"That's right!" Ran lets out another evil laugh.

"Right. So, you _really_ expect me to just stand here… and let you get away with it?"

Ran stops laughing. She just noticed the fire burning in Ataru's eyes. Against her will, she finds herself stepping back.

"Uh… w-w-wait a moment… Lum-_chan_…?"

…

A few minutes later, Benten finds Ataru cheerfully sipping another drink in the VIP area, a smirk on his slightly flushed face. A few flutes are already empty on the amazingly luxurious granite table next to him.

"Lum baby, I see you're finally enjoying yourself!"

Ataru faces Benten, his smirk turning to an evil smile, thinking about the beat up and passed out redhead shoved down the garbage chute.

A deep breath.

"Oh, yeah, I feel SO much better, now."

* * *

…

Sunday morning, around half past eight; Lum wakes up in the closet.

She slept in it to feel protected. Darling did not come home last night, and she quietly sobbed until she surrendered to sleep.

Lum slips out of the even more cramped space she remembered, of course Darling's body is quite bigger, stirring and standing up; a short stop to the bathroom, loudly yawning. She can't help having a brief, cold shower, too.

Lum's a lot more comfortable with Darling's body, and does not feel so embarrassed of it and it's… _peculiarities_ anymore, but, it's really a difficult task trying to ignore all the gorgeous naked girls that seem to constantly dance in the back of her mind whenever she relaxes a bit…

_Yeah… especially if you wake up quite aroused and with a hard… uhm_. _Hmmm. Yeah, I'd better try to forget tonight's dream._

The day is beautiful, and the air has cooled off considerably thanks to the little rain that drizzled during the night.

Actually, Lum feels like everything she endured just the day before truly happened years ago. A subtle sadness permeates her being, however.

_Divine Dragons, I do feel much better._

Breakfast: Lum sits at the table suffering as if she hasn't fed herself for months.

_Fuel! I need fuel, energy! _

She assaults the food on the table, wolfing down as much as she can, while her Mother in Law screams and tries to make her back off whipping around a kitchen paddle, while father hides behind another newspaper.

Lum remains silent, trying to ignore all the insults and scolding, focusing instead on a primal necessity… feeding.

An unquenchable need to escape, to be free from this household, this family, their dominating indifference, rises within herself once sated. To be ultimately free from the miserable, oppressive life she experienced for less than a DAY.

But, none the less, she can't take it anymore.

_Freedom! I need to be FREE!_

Lum abruptly leaps up from the table. Without a word, she jumps in her shoes at the entrance, as Ataru's mother loudly curses her son. She starts running as soon as she closes the house door behind her. Another primal necessity, and she marvels at how _basic_ the needs driving Ataru's complex and multifaceted mind seems to be.

…

Lum heads for the park, jogging at a comfortable pace, the exercise and the air in her face making her feel even better.

As she passes by, a few girls scatter, yelling "Watch out! Moroboshi's on the loose again!" A very worried old woman protectively picks up her six years old granddaughter. A frightened girl flattens herself against a wall, her purse in front of her for defense.

She turns to grant them her widest and happiest 32 toothed smile, waving her hand, not at all disturbed by the odd reaction she seems to bring out of everyone she meets.

Some distance down to road, Lum slows down, the jogging turns to a walk. A girl she knows from Moroboshi's family neighborhood passes by. She curiously finds her very attractive. She smiles at her and for some reason she's compelled to say simply "Hi, gorgeous! How are you?"

The girl stops and slaps viciously Lum in the face. "You slimy, lecherous _pervert_! I told you to never _dare_ talk to me again!"

Glancing at the incensed girl running away with a deep blush, Lum touches her stinging cheek, dumbfounded.

_This is crazy. I only said hi. What is her problem? Ahh, who cares._

She starts looking at all the girls in the park, her hands behind her head, a wide smile on her face.

Lum's gaze glides along the curves of each beautiful girl around her.

_Ohh, take a look at that magnificent bosom. Wow, that backside! Uh! This one's got white panties under her skirt!_

A pair of jade eyes attracts her attention. The girl passes by, in a very tight running outfit, her ponytail whipping. A whiff of the girl's scent reaches Lum. _Mmhh-aahh!_

Walking girls, running girls, girls doing exercises… what a sight. Girls, girls, girls.

Many just ignore her. A few more stare back, disgusted of her attention. A couple actually smile back.

Excitement grips her! Lum starts walking towards the smirking girls. _Hey those babes smiled back! Maybe I could ask them…_

All of a sudden, the thought strikes her.

_I… I am looking at girls! Women! I can't believe it, I am actually thinking to hit on them!_

What about Darling?

_Maybe he's doing the same…_

She pictures herself, blue eyes, golden horns and green hair, turning her head and smiling beautifully to… herself. Her mind now actually identifies her own features with Ataru.

_Darling? But, she's a male! No, he's in my body, so now she's a… no… wait…_

Confusion and chaos in her head.

While Lum struggles to think rationally, she's already in front of one of the girls that smiled to her.

A graceful and petite brunette, her hair tied in a ponytail and with a sexy body, in a school uniform. Many girls like to dress with a Seifuku even on Sundays. The words come out almost in automatic.

"Hi! You are such a gorgeous beauty, so refreshing… I could not help but talk to you! My name..."

A heavenly giggle and a bright smile interrupts her.

"Ah, but I know just who you are, Ataru-kun! Stop making fun at me and pretending to hit on me."

A revelation that crashes on Lum like an eighteen wheel Mack truck. Suspicion and distrust immediately seep in her mind.

_This woman knows Darling? Who the hell is this girl? So, Darling… cheated on me?_

"Come on, Ataru-kun. I'll treat you to tea and pastry, this morning. Seriously, this time! Promise!"

Lum mechanically follows the stranger, her mind frantically trying to process this new information, to a familiar looking teahouse nearby.

A little later, both teenagers are sitting one on front of the other, at a table next to the glass window of the teahouse.

"So, how is it going with your alien Demon girlfriend, have you found the courage, yet?"

"Uh…? I… well, you know…"

"Oh, OK. Don't tell me. Same as ever! Pass me another cookie, please?"

The girl giggles softly, then slowly and gracefully sips her tea, occasionally staring into Lum's dark eyes.

Lum replies with a dumb smile.

The girls wolves down another pastry. She calls the waiter and orders another tray.

Then she chuckles to herself, looking down.

"It's funny, a few minutes ago, in the park… for a moment, I almost fell for it, I mean, like you did not know me. You reminded me of when we first met, a couple months ago. I really don't know why I did not slap you senseless then! I mean, you… you _groped_ me! I really wanted to resort to ultimate violence, you know? Instead, I stared at your eyes… and burst crying on your shoulder. Christ, that was some scene."

After a moment of silence, in which she absently nibbles on yet another large cookie, the girl continues.

"And you changed your attitude completely. Dropping your mask…"

Lost in her thoughts, the unknown girl looks outside the window, to the people walking by. Lum shifts uncomfortably on the chair, unable to break the silence.

"You know, Ataru-kun, what has given me the strength to live on? What allowed me to bear the immense loss of my parents, to that drunk truck driver, so suddenly and early in my life, just days before we met?"

She turns back to Lum, her eyes watering, a grateful light shining through, a sweet treat in her hand.

Lum stammers.

"Er…"

"You. Your love for life… you taught me that any life, no matter how miserable, is worth living. You taught me that to have known loving parents is better to have never known them, or worse, to have parents that do not love you. At least, to have a cherished memory… I… was going to lose it… But… you…"

The girl sniffles, at a loss for words. Gazing at the table and at the empty pastry trays, she softly reaches for Lum's right hand.

"Ataru-_kun_…"

The girl squeezes Lum's hand. Then, she looks right up to her.

"Good Lord, I wish that the alien slut didn't have so much control over your life. I really wish… I could be…!"

Lum tenses. Something in her eyes darkens considerably, and she clenches her jaw.

The girl notices it. She lets Lum's hand go, and recoils, frightened.

"My God, I apologize! I'm so sorry! Please, forgive me, pretend I didn't say that! I… I wish you find true happiness with the one you love!"

The girl stands up, bows low, and runs away, tears in her eyes.

Lum is flabbergasted for a second, following with her confused gaze the graceful frame of the unknown girl running out of the teahouse, then snaps back to the present and stands up, her chair falling back.

"Wait!"

Before she can take another step, though, a towering figure moves in her way.

"Ah-hem!"

A large woman stands in front of the door, her arms crossed.

"I 'pologize, but… Ya have ta pay the bill."

"But… but, that girl, she said she was treating me!"

"Yeah, sure… _ev'ry single time_ you two come here ya say that. Now, cough up the dough!"

Lum looks at the outrageous amount of yen written on the bill handed to her, and all of a sudden pictures herself as a giant lollipop with the word "SUCKER" printed on it.

_Where did she put all that stuff, anyway? She even ate __**my**__ pastries!_

Lum searches her empty pants pockets, in a futile attempt to retrieve nonexistent money.

"Uh, ehm… aahh, maybe I forgot my wallet home, and…"

Lum shyly smiles, while the Landlady jeers: "Oh, my. Ain't that sad."

…

Minutes later, Lum walks back towards the park with her hands in her pockets. She managed to escape the landlady's wrath, but she's still upset because of the nameless girl.

This nameless girl…

She can't help thinking about how Darling helped the ghost of Nozomi-chan, a few months back. Lum never, ever dared talk about it again… She felt so jealous at the time. Envious of a ghost… But she must admit that it was the final proof of how gallant and noble Darling's heart truly is.

The scarf Nozomi-chan knitted for him in the hospital before dying is still cherished and treasured in his middle drawer, the one where he keeps his prized clothing. Right next to the tigerstriped one Lum gave him the first Christmas they both attended on Earth.

And what about Imo-chan, the big worm that turned into a gorgeous fairy. Darling fought the whole school, that time!

_Divine Dragons, it happened so many times, it should have given me enough hints. There's no reason to doubt that girl's words; Darling really just helped her in a time of need. He's got a golden heart._

Lum stops at the edge of the park.

_And I was going to get angry because I thought that he cheated on me…_

She fiddles with her fingers nervously, her gaze lost to the horizon, totally immersed in her thoughts.

_All the while __**I**__ was the one hitting on… girls… good gracious…_

Sadness, shame and guilt fall down on Lum, like thin and cold autumn rain, permeating her.

_D-Darling…_ _Will you come back, ever come back to me?_

…

A loud, metallic, clanging noise attracts her attention, shaking her from her thoughts. She looks back to the entrance of the park. From behind a corner, a Leopard 1A4 tank rolls towards her, stopping a few feet away, the 105mm rifled barrel of the main gun trained at her face.

Mendo jumps down from the turret and confronts Lum. His precious sword held in his left hand, correctly carried with the blade up.

"Moroboshi. I have been informed from authoritative and reliable source that you have brought great harm to Lum-sama."

"I don't know what are you talking about, Shuu-chan."

"How dare you use such an intimate title to address me! What have you done to Lum-sama!"

His voice is harsh. The tone frightens Lum. She is not protected, she does not have flight, she cannot defend herself with her lightning!

"Shuutaro, wait! I can explain. You see this ring? I…"

"You again bring that ring up? Moroboshi, I had enough of your blabbering."

Mendo unsheathes his sword and in one elegant and blindingly fast downward arc movement slashes Lum. She reacts at amazing speed, blocking the blade between her palms, an automatic defense totally independent from her will.

"You will not escape your due, this time, Moroboshi!"

Mendo forces down against her with formidable strength, wielding the sword with both hands.

Lum is silently screaming, no sound coming out, as she realizes the incredible danger Darling plays with, every time he provokes Mendo in slashing him!

"Do not resist, and have the decency to die!"

She does not have enough experience to consciously restrain or avert Mendo's blade further, and she loses her balance, falling to slam one knee to the ground.

The sword slips out of her palms and, suddenly free, snaps towards her neck.

Mendo realizes a fraction of a second too late that Lum recklessly allowed the blade to be free, and stops just as it bites into her flesh. Blood gushes from the wound; a few drops stain Mendo's immaculate white shirt. Mendo pales instantly, his face beaded with sweat, carefully retracting the weapon and sheathing it. He warily lays the sword on the ground, as today he exceptionally used his Meitou, and jumps to Lum, down on her knees, her right hand compressing the cut, blood slowly seeping through her fingers, a puzzled and fixed stare in her eyes.

"Ataru! Why did you let the blade free?"

She feels terribly dizzy and confused. "I… don't know, I didn't know what to do…"

Mendo turns to his Kuromegane.

"By the Holy Jimmu Tenno! I want immediate medical care here! Did you get that? Also, a heliambulance, and alert Juntendo Nerima hospital for a an ER treatment of a Mendo family member! NOW!"

Lum lays on her side on the ground now, curled in a ball, all energy drained from her. She's shocked, more than wounded; the cut is mostly superficial, thanks to Mendo's incredible control of his blade, but quite extensive, and there's fairly a lot of blood staining her clothes and on the ground. She did not expect such an attack. From the outside, Darling always seemed so in control, making it look simple and easy… catching Mendo's blade…

_He could have killed me, so easily …_

Her eyelids feel so heavy. Breathing slows down. Her pupils are dilated, and her skin is damp and cold.

Kneeling by Lum, Mendo tries desperately to shake her. "Ataru-kun, please, look at me! We are taking care of you, stay awake!"

Seconds later, paramedics start treating the wound on Lum's neck. A helicopter lands 60 feet from their location, and a complete reanimation team is on hold a few feet from her.

A medic waves salts under her nose.

She comes round. "W-what happened?"

"Ataru-kun, this time you really scared me. Why on earth did you allow the blade to be free? You had it steady in your palms, as always."

"Shuutaro? I… please, let me go, I need to go."

"No way my friend, we need to take you to the hospital. It is my responsibility, I wounded you. Besides, Lum-chan would _kill_ me, if I'd let you go now."

"No… you don't understand. I cannot come with you, I need to wait for Darling… He must come back… for me. What… what if he doesn't find me?"

The world dances and shifts all around her.

"Ataru, you're not feeling all right. You are delusional and delirant, please allow us to help you."

The paramedics close in.

In an adrenaline surge, Lum jumps up. She scans her surroundings, appearing lost, spaced out. Her eyes are like those of an animal in a cage. She bolts away, dodging all the paramedics and Kuromegane as if they were simple statues and disappears, running as fast as she can.

"No! Ataru!"

Mendo screams after her, his open hand towards the running figure in a futile attempt to stop it.

...

* * *

_-continues_

Thank you for reading my story! Please comment and review, it is thanks to your feedback that I am encouraged to write new stories!

**Notes:**

Juntendo Nerima Hospital is Tokio Nerima ward University hospital. Yes, it _really_ does exist.

**Umezu:** it's a salty brine byproduct in the process of pickling Umeboshi plums that has the same effect of alcohol on Lum.


	5. Chapter 5

**The great switch**

**Rel 1.1**

_By Pizzigri_

Disclaimer: Urusei Yatsura and all characters (C) Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan/Kitty.

OK, final chapter. I hope you enjoy this story as much as I had fun writing it.

Please do comment, and maybe I can learn to write a bit better next time. Thank you!

...

**Chapter 5**

* * *

Many hours have passed, and most of the guests have left the Palace.

Ataru has danced with, and has been courted by, some of the most handsome men in the galaxy, at the same time ignoring most of the other, equally beautiful, women on the floor. Well, almost, since a few actually attempted to flirt with him! Or, to be more precise, with the female Oni body his soul presently possesses.

Men –and a few _women_!- wildly fought for his attention!

And Ataru, despite himself, initially felt _flattered_ for this!

But realizing that Lum is some sort of Galactic Sex Symbol, thanks to both her looks and her hidden power, right from his very appearance and introduction to the immense dancing hall and its guests, by the end of the party devastated Ataru.

He never felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed in his whole life. Halfway through the party, his mind sort of got influenced by Lum's female body, all the way to even finding a couple of the "boys" extremely attractive, to the point of feeling… aroused. He actually felt uncomfortably _wet_.

Recalling those sensations, Ataru cannot help but bitterly loathe himself.

_Sexually aroused… Shame! Shame on me!_

If this was not enough, shortly after Rei's and Ran's little "accidents", Benten disappeared with two great looking hunks, leaving him alone, to deal with the whole floor!

As time unbearably slowly passed by, he felt even the modest interest in gorgeous boys and the situation simply die, his mind shutting down to an emotional standstill.

Even Princess Oyuki would be proud of the wall of invisible ice he built around himself, to keep all his suitors at a distance for the rest of the event.

The party is over, music stopped and lights are subdued and still.

And now, Ataru lies alone, with his stunning legs crossed on a sumptuous couch in an very luxurious semiprivate space within the VIP lounge, an elaborate cocktail sitting on the granite table in front of him, and Benten's scantily clad female guards securing his privacy from the few, die hard suitors still adoring 'Ramu', as Ataru learned Lum's real name to be.

Waiters buzz around him, almost reading his mind, gracefully replacing flutes and glasses with new ones and offering crystal crafted trays of the Galaxy's most luscious treats.

Almost everything he occasionally tasted in the past few hours had a dull flavor, except the drinks and snacks specifically prepared for him, like the very weird and spicy cocktail based on salty Umezu and ground Umeboshi he's sipping or the strangely familiar star shaped and 'spring haired'… buns? he's nibbling.

To all the guests that attended Benten's party, Ataru appeared immensely magnificent, a statement of such absolute and heavenly beauty that not even a Leonardo could ever hope to be able to translate and portray it in one of his painting masterpiece. Magnificent and inaccessible at the same time, a goddess denied and well beyond the reach of mere mortals.

All, but one.

Ataru, finally fully aware of this truth, bitterly thinks of Lum and himself, until he finds himself trapped into an infinite loop of memories.

All the times he cheated on her, rejected her, hurt her, his mind constantly replaying the events that brought him here and now.

Feeling a bit giddy and lightheaded, due to concern and the unknown number of drinks he downed, Ataru finds himself hollow and miserable. He glances at the ring he wears.

_Gods, Lum. Maybe you're home now, worried, blankly staring at the wall. Waiting for me, alone… Devote, faithful and true… as I know you've always been._

Then Ataru recalls again his excitement at being the object of every guest's lust a few hours back. The… subtle pleasure. A pleasure akin to what he felt these two years hunting down girls, while evading and eluding Lum.

_So I now know, I failed you. I failed you twice! As a man… and even as a woman. Ain't this a fine irony…_

His eyes sting, and his hand shivers slightly, gently caressing the ring.

Benten walks in, feeling hot, with her hair and dress a bit messy.

She stops in front of Ataru, hands to her hips and, with an unmistakable glow on her face, glares at him shaking her head, then turns to grab a glass from his table and gulps down a drink.

She pauses to breathe deeply, sighing.

"That was good. Real good. You should see how… _energetic_ this Prince Yeonida from some Ellaies system is, I lost count how many times we did it! And his friend, Kerkse… wow. Having two lovers is mucho stuff, Baby, I don't believe you actually left me alone with both! I mean… Darling would have never known."

Ataru answers with a tired, inexpressive voice.

"Trust me on this, Benten, Darling WOULD have known."

"Lum baby, come on, loosen up. You're not fun to hang with, any more!"

Ataru slowly and regally stands up to stare down Benten's chestnut eyes.

"Benten, look. I've been through all you asked. I've checked out the… boys, entertained your guests, whatever. Now it's your turn, you promised, now please, take me back to Earth."

"Yeah, sure… wait, you mean, come with you? Hey, I still got lotta things to do here. Fun things."

Ataru turns his head to the ground, suddenly finding his feet very interesting.

"Come on… Maybe I drank too much to… drive home on my own and… well, I… don't feel like going back alone, that's all. Please?"

Benten turns to counter, but one stare into Ataru's sad and incredibly deep blue eyes, again locked into hers, and she has to give up, mesmerized.

"Uh. Sure, what are friends for, after all."

…

The trip towards Earth turns out to be quite boring and very silent. A few hours have passed since take off; Benten took a shower, alone, dressed again with her metal armored battle bikini and chains, while Ataru dozed off in Lum's bunk. Approximately half hour before the ship will emerge from warp subspace between Mars and Earth in Sol system, Ataru joins Benten in the piloting cabin, quietly sitting on the copilot chair next to her.

Benten glances at Ataru's face. He's lost in his thoughts, with a thousand mile stare in his eyes.

_Baby's truly troubled. Something's really, really wrong,_ Benten thinks with concern. _She hasn't even changed back into her usual tigerstriped bikini._

"So, Lum honey, tell me, how did it go? Did you enjoy the party?"

"Uhm. Yeah, I guess."

"Come on, Baby, you made an impression, you know. Prince Kayou from Ursa Maior seems desperately in love with you, and His Royal Highness Oudinh actually _kneeled_ before you! That was awesomely impressive! He's one of the most powerful non-Oni beings in this quadrant, ruling over ten systems. Not to mention everyone else, I mean, you literally can choose whoever you want!"

"I know, Benten. The fact that everyone wants… _me_, is exactly what's buggin' me. Look, I need to think it over."

He speaks with a cold tone, and without any emotion. Benten shivers, thinking _Lum must have taken classes from Oyuki…_

Silence falls, for over fifteen minutes. Benten steams with nervousness, until she _has_ to ask.

"Lum… is there something you wanna talk about? Dunno, maybe thinking 'bout… your relationship with the… _dickhead_?"

There's an edge in Benten's tone, making it feel almost accusatory.

Ataru flushes, and angrily stares back to the female warrior, snapping.

"So, I am thinking about Darling, yes. What about it?"

Benten's expression softens.

"Aw… come on kitten, it's been two whole years, this story's way overdue, get over it, 'sides, Ataru doesn't even want you, the pitiful idiot."

Ataru glares at her. A very dark fire burns in his eyes, a fire that scorches Benten. Ataru barely manages to keep his rage in check_._

Benten bites her lips.

"H-hey, Lum, come on! You know that's the truth…"

"Listen carefully, now, Benten. Darling wants '_me'_ more than his life. He dearly, totally worships _'me'_, loving _'me' _all the way to be willing to die for _'me'_. But, at the same time, thinks… he's unworthy of _'me'_, and doubts he can make _'me' _happy."

Ataru pauses, sniffing, a lump in his throat, rage winding down to desperation and guilt; then, manages to continue, his voice broken with emotion.

"So, this is what I am thinking right now. I am thinking that maybe A-A-Ataru… wants _'me'_ to be free to choose a man better than him, a man that will really make _'me' _happy. And it makes me really, really sad, because now I understand… I finally _know_ how much… Darling really loves _'me'_."

A single tear falls on his sterling black dress. Ataru's eyes never waver away from Benten's face.

Benten's expression hardens, fiercely shaking her head.

"No. No, by the Fucking Holy Swamps, I can't take this shit anymore."

Benten grabs Ataru's shoulders, and talks with a soft, but very firm, voice.

"Listen baby, I am going to tell you this 'cause I love you, I really do, so don't get it wrong. You," she pauses for effect, "are only fooling yourself."

She stares intensely into his eyes.

"Ataru Moroboshi loves no one; your… Darling's simply a selfish, lecherous and lustful scumbag. There's only sex and deceit in his tiny, deranged, mud filled mind, and no space for things like love, care, dedication, or whatever.

And, especially there's no space for _you_, Lum.

Granted, you may have loved him, and I can't, for the sake of the Holy Dragons, understand why. But, as you said, you absolutely deserve someone better than him; I couldn't agree more."

Ataru feels his eyes water. Benten's words hit home, and he knows it all too well.

_No, no, no… once maybe, Gods it feels like years ago. It was just yesterday, that only girlhunting was in my mind but today, I…_

Tears silently roll on his cheeks, falling on his lap.

…_I know that all the while, I have always madly loved her, here in my heart… since the instant I saw her... and now…_

"W-what should I do…what should I do now?"

As he quietly whispers to himself, Benten catches a glimpse of his eyes: true desperation, angst and sorrow. His chin shudders, and he breaks down, burying his face in his hands. Soft sobs escape him, slowly slipping into all out inconsolable weeping.

Benten watches her best friend crying desperately. She feels helpless and angry.

"Shit. C'mere, Lum honey."

She circles him with her arms and embraces him.

"Hush, baby, shhh… It's gonna be all right. Everything's gonna be all right…"

Rage and resolution build up in Benten, and she clenches her fists tight, behind Ataru's back.

_This beats it. The lowlife rubbed Lum's face in his shit so much that she's totally subjugated to him, and even if she wants to, can't let go. But, today she found the strength to finally understand it! To ask for MY help! I'm not gonna allow him to mess with MY Lum again! As soon as I see that fucking bastard, I'll be sure to leave… just 'nuff of him smeared on the ground for DNA I.D.! _

The anticipation of the brutal torture, pain and agony she'll deliver to Ataru Moroboshi makes her shiver, a diabolical smirk twisting her pretty face.

* * *

…

Lum wanders aimlessly about the deserted streets of a sleepy Sunday afternoon Tomobiki, tiredly placing one foot in front of the other, head hung to stare at her black shadow under the glaring sun, her right hand gently compressing the adhesive gauze dressing of the aching blade wound on her left shoulder and neck. Dark and congealed blood stains her torn shirt and jeans, sticky with sweat.

She ends up sitting on a bench next to the park clock, where it all started.

After she ran away from Mendo, under the influence of a mighty adrenaline rush, she had the bad luck to crash in a picnic group of young girls from Buttsumetsu High School, Asuka Mikunokoji's private educational institution; the girls recognized Lum as 'The Lecherous Molester' that penetrated their campus a while back, in that stupid armband challenge between Tomobiki's High and Buttsumetsu's principals which resulted in the near total destruction of the campus' facilities.

The angry girls called immediate reinforcements and the female mob chased her across half the park.

She barely managed to escape. Running away… again.

But, now she's tired. Not physically, of course, this body seems totally impervious to such petty things as crippling bodily harm and terminal fatigue. Mentally tired, Lum has had enough of Darling's everyday life, as she found out she cannot cope with it.

Lum has an analytical, very bright and incredibly intelligent, albeit naïve, mind. She figured out that only her soul, memories and the part of intellect that could be compatible with Ataru's body and brain structure crossed over; and that an unknown quantity of her character and personality is now heavily influenced by Darling's neuronal lattice, thereby inheriting his behavioral patterns and, surely, many emotional responses.

Lum inherited Ataru's mental schemes, as well. So, she's now unsure of which emotions and sensations are really hers, and which are Darling's. She tries to lucidly assess, sort and rationalize the feelings she perceives.

There's a primal fear in the back of Lum's mind, it's the fear of being insulted, judged, reviled, beaten, despised.

And, rejected.

A fear clinging on her conscience, that washes easily away, like icy snow melting on a hot car roof, whenever she focuses on Ataru's interests (women and food) only to return tenfold when she's alone.

And at the same time she feels a hunger… a craving, for closeness, warmth and affection.

Longing to be loved.

She just discovered the core of Darling's being.

Suddenly, Lum cannot continue coldly analyzing her biased psyche, a tide of emotions overwhelms her, and in the resulting whirlwind of chaotic and confused thoughts that crowd her mind, one rational notion brightly stands out.

_So this is what Darling does all the time. Escaping, running away, as a wild animal from the hunters. From everyone. And at the same time, pursuing the love and affection he so desperately needs from girls who will only turn rabidly to bite him back…_

Nothing exceptional, or unusual happens today. Nothing, just an ordinary day in Ataru Moroboshi's life.

Except, it is happening to her. And, Lum now understands.

_Running away from me… since I would not see the cause… Blind to his inner suffering… refusing to understand. Mercilessly always punishing him, instead of… of… oh, good gracious…_

Lum's reddened eyes sting, unable to tear.

Sniffling, Lum lifts her face to stare at the blue sky and sparse clouds, and sighs.

All of a sudden, she sees in the distance a familiar rippling of the air, followed by her spaceship decloaking and materializing above Ataru's house.

Hope shines again in her eyes.

There's only one being in the Galaxy that could operate her spaceship, with her remote.

"Darling! Oh, Darling! You-you're back!"

She resumes running.

* * *

…

"You're back… 'home', Honey." Benten stands up from the piloting chair, stirring and yawning loudly. "Hey, I'd like to have a couple words alone with Darling, if don't mind."

A mostly recovered Ataru looks hard at Benten.

"Why?"

Benten casually shrugs.

"Oh, just to let him know that I don't wanna see you cry like that again 'cause of him. Ever again."

Ataru, visibly anxious, replies trying to defuse Lum's friend.

"Benten, really, you shouldn't bother. See, I'm OK", he pauses to grant Benten a magnificent smile, "I'll take care of him. Be sure I've got plenty of things to tell Darling myself!", ending the sentence with a nervous giggle.

"Yeah, baby, sure. I bet you are."

Ataru glares suspiciously at Benten, an ominous feeling in the back of his mind.

That moment, the airlock depressurizes, finally allowing surface access.

They both turn to look at the rectangle of blue sky gaping before them.

Instantly, lovingly embracing and squeezing Lum becomes the only thought filling up Ataru's mind.

He flies out of Lum's spaceship, hovering a few feet above his house's roof, followed by Benten, retrieving her spacebike.

He sees his room's window open and enters it, full of anticipation.

Empty.

Only a blanket, his pajamas and her pillow, the one she uses, thrown carelessly around the room, something the everyday Lum would have never done. Her closet door is also open, and inside there's a mess. She slept in it, using _his_ pillow.

He actually frowns at the clutter, shaking his head.

"Lum, where are you. Where did you go…"

Ataru is deeply longing for Lum. He knows she must be nearby, he can _feel_ her, and misses her so much, it's almost getting physically painful. Worse than an addiction induced abstinence crisis, he feels dizzy and lightheaded.

_Is this what Lum feels for me? Is it this, then, what she tried to tell me yesterday, by the holy Gods, it IS an eternity ago, when she said she was going to miss me? Does she love me to this point?_

His heart is in frenzy, remorse nips him, everything else loses meaning, he NEEDS her!

Benten calls him from outside.

"Hey, Lum honey! I think I pinpointed the idiot with my bike's scanner, running this way! Sorry, but I really think it's up to me to talk some sense into him…ciao!"

Benten accelerates, as Ataru realizes and screams on top of his lungs out of his window:

"NOOOO! Wait! What are you doing, leave her alone, he's not yet me! I mean, there's still Lum inside him, I… Shit! Benten, you fucking _AIRHEAD_!"

Ataru darts out of the house, sparkling of pure blue electric fury, desperately pursuing the ever smaller, superfast spacebike.

* * *

…

A minute later, Lum sees Benten's parked spacebike in the empty playground next to the abandoned construction site a few blocks away from Tomobiki High and stops. The Goddess of Luck glares coldly at her, both fists resting on her sides, a mischievous grin on her face.

Lum slows to a jog and then walks up to her, opening her arms.

"Oh, Benten, I'm so happy to see you! I need help!"

"You sure do, dickhead. You won't forget easily what I'm gonna teach you today!"

Benten walks resolutely to Lum, a murderous light in her eyes.

"B-Benten…? No, wait! It's me, L - uhh!"

The hard slap hits Lum across the face.

"Shuddup, asshole! It's payback time!"

"NO! Wait! I-I'm inside Darling's body, we-we swi - ouch!" Lum's head is sharply turned by the force of Benten's backhand. She stumbles a couple steps back.

A mighty hook punch to the face almost breaks Lum's jaw and sends her flying against one of the wooden playground structures, leveling it.

Grasping that Benten will not yield or stand to reason, Lum decides to escape, avoiding a roundhouse kick and sprinting sideways, accelerating to inhuman speeds. Lum's so fast, there's no way Benten could follow her.

She does not need to.

"Oh no, kiddo, you aint goin' nowhere!"

Benten grasps her body chain, whips it free and with a blindingly fast and elegant movement twirls it around herself once and unleashes it towards the evading teenager. The chain hits Lum with incredible power and wraps tightly around her ankles; a normal human being would have had both legs cut clean.

Nonetheless, a sharp and searing pain shoots up from her ankles as the chain crushes bones and damages a couple ligaments. She falls to the ground, helpless, shrieking with pain.

Benten walks slowly to the fallen teenager.

"You really thought you could run away from me…", she hisses, with a cold voice, picking up her chain.

She grabs Lum with one hand, pulling her up. Lum is so scared and hurting she can't talk.

"…well, you can't. I'll make you wish you never, ever met Lum. You will NEVER be able to make her cry. NEVER again, d'you hear me, you bag of shit."

Benten starts pummeling her.

The female warrior does not hold back, and the force of each blow is amazing, way above any average human would be able to survive. Luckily, Ataru's body is anything but average!

Still, unable to escape and barely able to stand on her injured legs, Lum tries to contain the storm that Benten is unleashing on her, but she does not have the experience to rationally use Ataru's hidden Ninjutsu abilities, and this body cannot respond to Lum's own hand to hand combat training, specifically conceived to be used by a gravity defying Oni.

Benten executes a vicious and powerful vertical front kick that lands on her chest, just below her ribcage, cracking at least four ribs… Lum is shoved several feet back, struggling for support on a pile of concrete pipe tubing and gags, holding her solar plexus, her wind totally gone. The wound on her neck and shoulder opens completely, warm wetness again copiously seeping and spreading under the shirt.

A roundhouse kick to the neck brings Lum to the ground.

The female warrior is about to beat the grounded teenager to a pulp, but a vivid blue glow behind her attracts her attention.

Ataru hovers before them, every muscle tensed, an aura of ionized air dimly glowing while full lightning arcs around his body and to the ground.

He notes Lum on the ground. He sees her blood, pain and suffering obvious in her expression.

Ataru turns to glare Benten with a fixed stare that could freeze dry, his face twisted in fury, fangs bare. His words are spoken very slowly, with an intense voice that lost every trace of humanity.

"You will NOT DARE touch him again, bitch."

Lum whispers "D-Darling…?" and manages to open her eyes.

But, what she sees can't be Darling.

This is an Angel of Destruction.

Hovering a couple feet above the ground, his whole body radiating a powerful, shimmering crown of energy sizzling in dark blue violet electrical sparks, the long, green hair slowly floating from crackling static around him.

His hands, clawed in rage, and the fingernails, fearsome talons. The wicked expression of his face, the fangs, his horns… and his freezing cold, unfathomable eyes, a glare she will never forget until she dies.

This is Lum's body, before her.

She was born with it… but, she can't help, now, being utterly, absolutely terrorized by _it_.

On the other hand, Benten's not really impressed. "Honey, after all this scumbag did to you, you still want to protect him?"

Benten kicks hard Lum in the ribs. She gags and moans in pain, twitching.

Ataru reacts with blind and uncontrollable wrath. A deep growl rises from his throat, and Benten understands she's just done something _real_ stupid.

"DIVINE RETRIBUTION!"

An incredibly bright blue-violet lightning, dwarfing Sun's brilliance, hits Benten, shoving and slamming her violently against the playground's brick wall fence, thirty feet back, smashing it; the whole wall crumbles down over her, as deafening thunder breaks car and building windows for whole city blocks all around.

Benten's foot was still touching Lum, though, when the bolt hit.

She experiences it fully. A vibration, shaking every fiber of her body, the incredible pain of millions of needles driven all at once through her skin down to the bone.

Every muscle seized and contracted to a paralysis, with burning, searing pain. A blinding flash, not before her, but in the back of her eyes; with her fingers clawing the ground, jaw clenched, teeth gritting, unable to scream or even breath, she feels her heart stop beating. It lasts for an eternity, that never happened: in a moment it's over. As soon as it stops, every muscle relaxes. In her dry mouth, a foul and bitter taste, her ears ringing. She beats two times her eyelids, then her eyes glaze and turn dull as she exhales. Slowly, a bizarre, painful numbness washes over her, while weak spasms twitch her limbs.

All she can think is: _so, this is my lightning…_

In a second, Ataru is kneeling before her, all rage and wrath totally gone, replaced by panic and desperation.

"Lum! Oh, Lum! Please, talk to me!"

She cannot answer. An almost imperceptible shudder quakes her body, breathing is difficult, and muscles don't respond.

She's still conscious, but she completely lost any control over this body.

Ataru heaves her head slightly, his left arm cradling her, his right hand shivering at the touch of the very hurt body she possesses.

"Good Gods! I… I hit you too! No… NO! What can I do! Wha- oh, I know. Yes!"

He gently takes her limp hand, and slips the ring off her finger.

For a brief instant, they both are within each other.

Then, Lum finds herself again in her own body, all pain vanished. She breathes deeply, the familiar sensation of intense power filling again her soul, the rush of endorphins after the release of the massive amount of energy fuzzily and pleasingly tingling her in all the right places. She's kneeled in front of Ataru, still curled up in a ball. They look in each other's eyes.

Ataru slowly takes full and very painful control and awareness of his crippled body.

He whispers "L-Lum… you idiot, this aint… the way to treat my… my body…", and barely manages to wink with a weak smile – _But_, _**I**__ can deal with it. Don't worry_ – before closing his eyelids and losing consciousness, sagging on the ground.

Sadness permeates Lum.

She starts crying. She looks at the ring that Ataru slipped off, still in her hand. She takes off her own ring, and places them both in her bra.

"Darling… You saw me hurt and did not even think twice to sacrifice yourself for me, taking my place…"

Then, she cradles her limp Darling in her arms, holding him tight and caressing his face. She touches his forehead with hers, lulling him. Tears flowing freely, now.

"You cannot even begin to imagine how much I love you, Darling."

_Or, maybe you can. I have experienced what it's like to be you. Despised, hunted, hurt, by everyone and everybody. Me, included. I know, now, your insatiable need for love, affection and tenderness… your love of freedom._

_So, maybe you have experienced what it's like to be me… it was your pride, to never touch a woman. But then, I saw you hit hard Benten. Without hesitation. Because she was hurting ME… your eyes, when you decided to take my ring off… I… still cannot believe what was shining through. Maybe I will let you go, allow you your freedom. Maybe, this way, you'll choose me. And finally, really love me… Darling…_

A black car stops next to her. Mendo drops to his knees, bowing low "Lum-chan! I… I apologize, I assume all responsibility, for Ataru-kun! P-please, I…"

"Shuutaro, I implore you, can you take care of Darling? Please."

Mendo nods to a kuromegane "You heard her. Her wish is our command."

Immediately, paramedics and vehicles swarm the playground. Ataru is heaved on a stretcher and connected to intensive care machinery inside an ambulance.

"L-Lum-chan… Is everything all right? I…"

"I would be very grateful to you, Shuutaro, if, from this day on, you'll refrain from using your blade against Darling. Please."

Her words have a soft tone, but Lum's gaze is sharper than anything known on Earth.

Again Mendo bows low. "I again apologize and will duly comply."

Mendo expected a burst of blind rage and to be electrocuted at the very least, and is quite surprised and a little concerned of Lum's cool reaction.

Minutes later, a doctor reports.

"Young Master, Lum-sama, Moroboshi-san's life is not in danger. He has been badly battered; we will treat him for shock, cracked ribs, injured ankles and the reopened incision wound on his neck and trapezius muscle, luckily this wound has not damaged the jugular; in any case, be assured that he will recover perfectly."

A pause… and the doctor adds, in a whisper: "As usual, Young Master… he really can't be killed!"

Lum smiles, hearing for the thousandth time that her Darling is a human cockroach… that's the way it is, and the way it should be!

A loud moaning comes from the smashed wall. "Fucking hell, that hurt! It fucking HURT!"

Lum turns to see Benten try to free herself of the mound of bricks. She ignored her friend up to now, still VERY upset for what she did.

Leaving Mendo to his own thoughts and Ataru to the care of the paramedics, Lum helps Benten to her feet.

"That served you right, you know, Benten. What you did hurt a LOT more, I can assure you! Why, in your right mind, did you attack me, uh I mean, Darling?"

Lum has an aggressive stance, and an accusatory tone.

Benten glares her Oni friend, evaluating her reaction. She decides to play it down.

"I'm mad at Moroboshi. I told you I wanted to have a word with him! 'Cause he made you cry so much. But… Fuck it, Lum baby, you hit me _real_ hard, hey, it's not like I wanted to waste him! If I didn't have the built in automatic direct energy shields in my battle bikini kicking in, you'd have done some damage!"

"It was not me, Benten. Darling did it."

"What are you talking about."

"You remember, years ago, the switching rings we got from the Galactic SpaceMarket mail order catalog? When we switched the teachers at Datcha No Yaru School? Darling somehow bought them and used them. He did not mean to switch with me, I'm sure, but it happened. We put the rings on ourselves, and not one to the other, so we could not take them off. He took my ring off only a minute ago, after dispatching you."

Realization dawns into Benten.

"You mean… that… it was _you_ I just trashed, and it was _him_, at the party?"

"Yes, it was me, and… Hey. You brought Ataru at your party?" She looks at herself, noticing the elegant black tigerstriped dress for the first time.

"Eh, yeah, Lum, we had a great time and even shared a shower together"

"What… what did you do?"

"Nah." Benten flaps her right hand. "Lots more chaste than what _we_ did. I only gave him a deep kiss."

Lum blushes visibly.

"BENTEN! I was drunk, that time! A-and, hey, I, uh, don't remember a-a thing!"

Benten starts laughing loudly.

"Suuure you don't. Hey, I thought he was you!"

Benten sighs.

"Look, Lum, I'm really sorry. I apologize, for hurting you in… Darling's form, I totally misunderstood. Aww, Fuck the Dragons, I'm such an idiot! I shoulda figured it out, I even noticed his ring! Now I also understand what he was talking about, it finally makes sense- he was talking 'bout _himself!_ I can't believe Ataru said those things."

She pauses and stares intensely in her best friend's blue eyes.

"Hey, maybe you're right after all, he's the boy for you."

"What did he say?"

"Take a look at the FDR/CVR cabin automatic A/V recordings of your Spacerunner. You'll be amazed… and see him in a much different light. Like I do now."

Lum has a puzzled look.

"Lum, I have to go. First off, I don't want to face Ataru when he comes round, it' be… embarrassing. Second, I've a couple big boys waiting for me in my quarters, we need to, ahem, finish some good stuff. To think I actually invited Ataru to join us! Too bad he aint into boys!" Benten cracks up in loud laughter.

She sprints towards her spacebike. Lum scrams after her.

"You what? BENTEN! I'll get you for this!"

Starting her spacebike and taking off, Benten screams back to Lum: "I'll tell you what happened next time you agree to come to my party! That's next month, and maybe, you could bring Darling! Yeah! Hey, What the heck, he's invited too!"

Laughing madly, Benten shoots away.

Shaking her head, Lum slowly drifts back to the ambulance, where her recovering Darling's got some explanation to give… and get. She should be mad… _real_ mad, for this mess, but she can't be. If anything, she's grateful for what happened, for what she learned.

She pulls out the rings again, and silently giggling, looks at the shiny bands of metal.

_Maybe I can convince Darling to use these again. I am still VERY curious to learn what's it like to make love as a man…_

_..._

fin

Pizzigri, summer 2011

* * *

Please **comment and review**, it is thanks to your feedback that I am encouraged to write new stories!

Endnotes

_Thank you for reading my story! Yeah, yeah, I know, it started out as a lighthearted comedy and I couldn't help myself so it ended up the usual romantic drama/tragedy I write all the time. Sorry… I'll try harder to follow the manga/anime spirit closer next time!_

_Anyway, after the first chapter, I realized that it would not be too interesting if Ataru and Lum simply switched places, like in the original UY story on which I based this FF upon, where an alien sells Ataru a pair of earmuffs…_

_I mean, it's great for a lemon! And I may actually pick it up as such in the future._

_But, what if Ataru and Lum did not TOTALLY switch places, and the behavior patterns, subconscious capabilities, hidden desires, well you get the picture… remained in their respective bodies? So that each could have a glimpse of what it REALLY means to be the other? I imagine, because I love these characters so much, that something like what I described in my FF would happen._

_A final note regards "everybody else". I strived to make everyone act as much in-character as possible (notable exception Ataru's parents and, to some extent, Benten's oversexed behavior and mild yuri interest in Lum) and also that no one is really evil, but, sort of like… performing a role, acting. And the completely different behavior pattern exhibited by A. and L. totally disrupts the established conventions, i.e. Mendo's reaction to actually succeeding in his sword attack against "Ataru". Last but not least, I would have loved to put all the UY cast in it, Ryuunosuke, Shinobu, Sakura, Ryoko, Oyuki…you name it, but it's already too long as it is, and I could not come up with an easy and decent way to make all these guys interact at the same time._

* * *

_A reader (Code32) raised a good point in regards to my mentioning of Lum's Art in this story, which I mistakenly assumed would be obvious. Since it is not, I will try to explain it here, until a re-edit of "The Great Switch"._

_Female beauty and femininity canons and conventions in human species are extremely variable, based upon historical period, environment, religion, race, culture, and whatever. __What was socially acceptable in the Middle Ages was not in Renaissance, what was considered immensely beautiful in Papua Nuova Guinea would be considered horrible in 1890's America. I__n China, only a hundred years ago, high ranking noble females had their feet maimed with incredibly painful tight bindings ("lotus feet"), which Chinese men of those times found incredibly erotic (yucch!)._

_Whoever had to study "Aesthetics", in Philosophy or in Arts, knows how complex it can get to be; there's a good page on it on Wikipedia. __This is necessary to introduce the concept in my fanfic._

_We all agree that Lum is beautiful. At the same time, there's no doubt that a female Panther (the Melanistic black fur variation of the Leopard, Panthera Pardus) is the embodiment of grace, danger and elegance. But, I really don't think anyone of us could ever find a Panther sexually appealing!_

_Remember, though, that Lum lives not only in a multicultural and multiracial society, but also a multi species one._

_This is well depicted in the Manga, i.e. in the party that Mr. Invader organized for Lum: many suitors were not human at all- some lizards, some other very alien looking stuff, etc. And everyone of them though Lum to be magnificent.__ In order for any male of a b__iologically compatible species, t__o find Lum incredibly attractive to their own, there must be some sort of "power" which must act overruling every individual's expectations and beauty standards, or suggesting the canons by which each culture, species, race, would expect her to be beautiful, since "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"._

_Therefore, Universal Beauty._

_**FDR/CVR:**__ flight data recorder (FDR) and cockpit voice recorder (CVR) units. The "Black Box" in aircrafts._

_I am open to any suggestion and critique you may have. And, I really hope you enjoyed reading this story at least as much as I had fun writing it! Again, thank you._


	6. Chapter 6

**The great switch**

**Rel 1.2**

By Pizzigri

Disclaimer: Urusei Yatsura and all characters (C) Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan/Kitty.

_I felt like the story should not end like one of the Anime's episodes, and decided to write down a proper ending. The Great Switch stands quite well as it is, so reading this epilogue adds very little to the story other than satisfying my own ego… hehe. Characters in this chapter are just a bit OOC, likely because of the semi permanent influence of the switch ;-) . Warning! You could get cavities reading this. Remember to brush your teeth_.

Please, please do comment, and maybe I can learn to write a bit better next time. Thank you!

…

**Chapter 6 - Epilogue.**

* * *

"Life is good."

Darkness. A very soft, dim and diffused lighting turns on in the background, revealing the dark silhouette of a teenager with ruffled hair.

"I mean, you know, how things turn out… yeah. I'm here to tell my side of things, since that big mess, uh, 'The Great Switch', as Lum called it, happened."

Ataru's half bust and face appear, illuminated by a strong spotlight, yielding quite a dramatic contrast with the dusky backdrop.

"And how it all wrapped up in the end, when I finally found my true, Beautiful Love, in a totally unexpected girl- uh, I mean, way.

I'm gonna start my story from the moment I returned in my body."

…

Ataru pauses, as the perspective changes to a second camera, placed on his left three quarters.

…

"After I passed out from the pain and damage that my body endured while in Lum's… -ahem- 'care', Mendo's goons took me to some University hospital in Nerima.

Heavens, just about every single female nurse and doctor roaming around me was young and beautiful. I believe I still was under some sort of _influence_ from the ring, since I found a couple _male_ doctors really handsome too - Ugh! - It didn't last long, thanks the _Gods_!

Well, what'cha know, all I needed to fully and completely heal and recover was only three days of rest, a whole month's worth of food and lots of female nurse's groping… uh, actually I could have recovered in just a couple of days, but the added damage sustained from the nurses curiously reacting in an utterly violent way to my kind attentions, sort of delayed my healing…"

…

A rustling noise and a low growl are heard in the background.

…

"Wait, wait a minute! Come on. After what happened, I really, uh, didn't _actually_ hit on the nurses! I was only pretending! You know, I couldn't admit the changes, and I just wanted to keep a, uh, sorta control over things. Right, can't lose my face and my hard earned reputation all at once, you know?…"

Chuckling, Ataru scratches the back of his head.

"I did have lotsa time to think, though. To understand my feelings, to readjust.

I felt a bit guilty. It was… it's my fault, all this happened. That Lum suffered, lotsa people hurt her thinkin' she was me. I felt even _worse_, since Lum behaved in a really weird way after I woke up in the hospital.

Yeah, well… she caught me flirting with the girls.

By the Holy Gods, I freaked out!

But… she didn't zap me. She didn't yell at me.

Now, that doesn't cut it, you know! That wasn't my Lum. I was worried.

So I tried to do it again, on purpose, knowin' she was around, just to push her into having a- uh, any reaction!

Of course, that backfired.

She would look at me, with that hurt look in those big, blue eyes of hers, and I'd feel so bad. So-o-o guilty, I would'a buried myself."

…

The camera point of view switches from Ataru's face to a close up of his hands, almost imperceptively twitching - a hint of nervousness -, and then back to his half bust.

…

"At the hospital, Lum had been really nice, patient, caring and loving but not obsessive or suffocating, so much so that, damn, it was creeping me out. Definitely, that wasn't the Lum I knew.

Since there were other three patients with me in the hospital room, we never had a chance to talk or be alone, until the hospital literally kicked me out, and we got home.

With the firebug –uh, I mean Ten- still abroad, we finally had the chance to be all by ourselves in my room.

Gods.

I felt on fire. I wanted to scream how much I loved her. I wanted to kiss her everywhere, to tear my clothes and her bikini away and wildly make love to her until we both would be knocked out silly. I actually blushed at what I was gonna do. I opened my mouth… and she froze me on the spot, simply smiling and looking in my eyes.

Her words came as boulders.

"I want you to be free, now, Darling", she said to me. "Free, to find and choose the woman of your life, your true love. I will never force you to do something against your will ever again, and I'll accept whatever you decide."

If she pulled out a gun and shot me, it would've hurt less. I was appalled and totally terrified, I really can't describe what was flashing through my mind.

She caressed my cheek, her hand was so warm, and her smile so sweet… I pulled myself together, somehow, and stammered: "I… thought that after all we've been through… I…"

Lum then placed her finger on my mouth, and she said "Sshh, Darling. I just want you to take your time. To look at other girls… and choose…" and she winked to me, still smiling.

Flabbergasted, I thought, _Lum wants me to actually try other girls…?_

You can guess I was now officially confused and, well, royally pissed off. I mean, how could she? And I was ready to finally relieve two years plus of unresolved sexual tension just moments before! Man, was I pissed.

I chided, "What the fuck are you talking about? I…"

But, before I could end the sentence, Lum's eyes struck me. She wouldn't show it, but she was in great pain inside, I could see that. There was something more, a lot deeper, too.

My mind overclocked, going in supervectorial mode, as I instantly reviewed all possible scenarios.

The most obvious option would be that I could just pretend to accept, make her believe I was girlhunting for a while and return to Lum and scream how much I loved her, kiss her everywhere, tear my clothes and her bikini away and wildly make love to her until we both would be knocked out silly.

But…

She was serious, real serious. I mean, I realized that ain't what she was expecting of me. Lum wanted me to be serious 'bout dating other girls!

That's when it came to me, that I still didn't know what happened to her during our switch, and maybe all this thing could have something to do with _that_.

_By the Holy Gods,_ I thought. _Did… did she do something I'd have done in her place?_

This scared me stiff.

Pretending was _not_ an option. I had to be serious with dating… and keep my love for Lum intact at the same time.

Sure, when we were in each other's body, I finally admitted I loved Lum more than my life. But now, again in my shoes, and without the help and support of her resolve, commitment and energy, and most importantly, her one tracked mind, I doubted myself. Yeah, I know, I got a one tracked mind as well, but mine's set on a… different goal. I did not trust myself…

… _what if I enjoy it? What if I fall in love with someone else?_

I'm sure I didn't voice my thoughts at this point, I mean only two fifths of a second had elapsed since I overclocked, but she startled me, levelly and calmly answering: "…of course, in that case it would mean she'd be the right girl for you, instead of me", as if she read my mind!

Shit, if there was a time to panic, that was it!

"Y-you wanna leave me!" I shouted, almost crying.

"Of course not, you silly. I love you more than anything, Darling. I'm just going to _temporarily_ move out to allow you your privacy and freedom. I'll be in my UFO, and I promise I wont spy or butt in if you invite some sweet company in your room. And, you can call me anytime; you have my number and address in that little black book of yours, I wrote it down myself."

Then she kissed me on my cheek and left, smiling.

"Bye-bye, Darling. '_Remember to do your homework_.'"

Man.

By the time my mind had rebooted from the most devastating divide by zero crash I've ever experienced, she was already gone.

It took me the rest of the week to figure out what Lum _really_ wanted me to do; and I still had no clue what _else_ happened to her during the switch!

Then, Saturday night, I woke up right out of the blue, cold sweated. I had an epiphany, I think that's what you call it, yeah, well, I had seen the light!

"I know what she wants", I said to the empty room.

And because of that I, uh, I hated her.

I hated Lum, despised her more than I've ever hated anyone in my life. And loved her, at the same time, loved her so much for her sacrifice, that I cried the whole night, until I gave in and fell asleep again."

…

Ataru uncomfortably shifts on the chair, turns to briefly glance to his right, bows his head and stares towards the ground. The camera takes a close up shot of his shimmering dark eyes, partially covered by a bang of his unruly hair. He pauses, before continuing the story; the scene changes again to his half bust.

…

"The following morning, I woke up with the sun shining high through the half draped curtains and splashing on my face.

I threw away the pillow and I thought, _Oh well, it's Sunday. Might just as well get dressed and go girlhunting… after a good soak and breakfast, that is._

My gaze fell on the sliding Shoji door of the closet where Lum used to sleep for the last couple of years.

I opened the door with a sigh, shoved the rolled futon and bedding in the closet, and I shut it closed again.

That Sunday morning I took a much longer time than usual preparing in the bathroom. Most of it, I spent soaking in the hot water of our small Furo, thinking. I had a mission; everything was crystal clear in my mind.

_Today I will find the right girl for me_, I thought.

So, instead of grabbing whatever garment happened to be lying around, as usual, I pulled out of my drawer a freshly pressed white shirt, blue jeans, white socks, and my pair of brand new running shoes."

…

Ataru chuckles, a smirk on his face. The scene changes perspective, switching to the first camera, a three quarters perspective of his bust shot from his right.

…

"After breakfast, I made a strategic phone call. I told Lum I'll be girlhunting for the day. All I got for a reply was: "Oh. I guess I'll have to wish you good luck, then."

I walked away from home, takin' a deep breath of fresh air. After last week's heat wave subsided, the temperature turned to a pleasant 79° degrees, sunny and very dry. A glorious day!

I looked up at the blue sky, my gaze gliding along the elegant curves of Lum's Class III Oni Spacerunner ship, hovering soundlessly forty feet above the roof of my home thanks to gravity inverters. A solitary figure in a bikini, standing on the superstructure of the ship slowly disappeared inside the massive bulk of the tigerstriped vessel.

Weird, to think of it.

Only after returning in my own body, I discovered that more than a few odd notions and abilities stuck to my mind, slowly surfacing as totally random thoughts. Things like multidimensional space cartography, basics of impulse curvature hyperdrive, subspace stabilizing theory, and more. Stuff that Lum knew, including correctly identifying her ship's make an' model.

I'm still not sure, but I'd probably be able to operate Lum's ship, now. Not that it matters.

_In how many other ways have I changed in those incredible two days? Lum's changed all right… even too much_, I thought.

Those friggin' rings totally turned my life upside down and around. I thought then that Lum's people must be really crazy, to devise, build and casually sell things like those. Of course, little did I know at the time that they were never meant to be used by Earth humans, only by the Galactic Federation's humanoid races, and that the side effects if used by other races, the manufacturer said 'could have been unpredictable'. Sure, the understatement of the century."

…

Ataru's expression darkens considerably, as he pauses tensely in front of the camera.

…

"Well, I wandered leisurely around Tomobiki's park, occasionally whistling whenever a beautiful girl walked or jogged by.

The park was absolutely _packed_ with outrageously gorgeous women, more so than I could ever remember.

Uh-hu, wait a minute. I know what you're thinking. Honestly, I did not hit on every girl I saw! I had my mind set on my mission; I was looking for the woman of my life. Not that I actually care if you believe it or not.

It was early afternoon, when I found myself heading for the park's clock square, where everything started.

I mean it, there must be something, about that place… that attracts _stuff_. Too many important things happened there to be a coincidence, you know. It always ends up there!

Anyway.

I don't wanna say I was tired, but I've been looking at close to a hundred beauties by then, and suddenly I felt my heart stop, as I froze beholding a heavenly vision.

Under the clock, only a few steps away, five unearthly beautiful girls dressed with a Seifuku were chatting. There was something… _magical_ about them. I saw that they had a critical eye on the boys swarming around them, of course such beauty would attract males like flies to honey…

At that moment, four of the girls started to move, leaving the one with a big book behind, leaning on the clock's pole. I heard them say: "See you later on, Aimi-_chan_, we're heading back to Azabu-Juuban!"

The four girls brushed past me, and they were absolutely gorgeous, almost unreal. But I was attracted to the lone girl reading the book.

Now, let me describe this girl. She was stunning. Her mane a distinctive lavender, kept braided and tied in a pair of buns. Sporting a perfect body and a silky white skin, the quite skimpy white and blue Seifuku school uniform enhancing her every curve, she kept a casual, innocent appearance, as if she was not aware of her blazing beauty.

But what really attracted me were her unbelievably deep aquamarine-green eyes. They say that the eyes are windows to a person's soul. I know better, as I know this to be an undeniable _truth_.

Turning a page of her book, she licked her lips. I swear, that small gesture sent me on hyper drive.

I thought to myself, _this is the perfect occasion! Before anyone else does it!_

A couple steps away from her, I started breathing her scent. It was exalting, it actually made me close my eyes, before I committed myself.

"Hello!" I attempted one of my most successful pick up lines, "I… was curious to ask you what are you reading, it must be very interesting…"

The girl seemed startled, and pulled her gaze up to meet my eyes.

A faint and shy smile blossomed on her lips.

_Yes!_ I shouted in my mind, as my heart raced.

I smiled broadly and scratched the back of my head. I must confess I felt slightly embarrassed.

"Ah… sorry, how rude of me! I'm Ataru. Aimi-chan, is that right? Would you care to join me for something to drink?"

She smiled fully to me, slowly and silently closing her book, all her attention focused on me! She drew near, her scent overwhelming my senses. Gods, her eyes… I was gonna drown in the ocean that are her eyes. And her lips, so full, soft, and…

"Get lost."

"Uh?"

"I said, get lost. Scram. Come on, you surely don't think you're going to pick me up with lame lines like that?"

The girl sidestepped me, shaking her head. "Boy, are you _fresh_", she added.

"No, wait! Please, let me try again!", I almost shouted.

She stopped and turned slowly to take a good, long look at me, cutely tilting her head.

"What? You can't be serious?"

At that point, I suddenly found my feet incredibly interesting; I was unable to bear her gaze. Hell, I felt confused, and I started stammering, "Yeah, I am. I… look, I really… Uh. You're so beautiful, and… you, and I, well… uh, you know, we could uh…"

Then I raised my eyes to look to the girl, only to find she was gone.

I spotted her walking away at a brisk pace, smiling to a very handsome boy leaning against a wall ahead of her.

I thought, _No! That can't be! I have to act, now!_

So, I sprinted after her.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry, say I want to make it up to you! Please! Come on, slow down!"

At that point, I instinctively grabbed her left hand. I meant no malice, but Aimi-chan froze on the spot, instantly turning on her heels and one handedly smashed that heavy bound book, I believe it was an unabridged version of 'War and Peace' with both Russian original text with the Japanese translation and full notes, right here on my face, yelling "You lecherous pervert! Let go of me!"

Wow.

She seriously put some stamina in that blow, I'm telling you, I saw all sorts of stars flash in my mind. Then, I felt the familiar slick scent in my nose, and I realized that I had blood dripping from my nostrils.

Hey, I know it's lame, but all I could think about was, _Gods, my shirt! Oh, no! It's white and brand new!_

So I bowed low, trying to stop the flow with my hands and avoid staining my shirt.

I heard the other boy say something like, "Lady, is he bothering you?"

A moment later, I looked up to Aimi-chan, now joined by Mr. Charming, and watcha know, I expected, dunno, irritation and anger… I was surprised to see concern and a guilty expression etched on her face, instead!

I smiled to myself, thinking,_ Hey! Maybe this is the break… -yeah, what else could I call it?- that I was looking for! _

She said, almost whispering to me, "Hey… are you all right?"

"Uhhh… Ouch… that hurt!"

Yeah, I outright lied. No way a book, however thick n' heavy, would possibly ever be close to cause pain to me… unless I was forced to read it, that is.

"Ah… here, take this. I'm sorry, but… you… you shouldn't harass girls like that." Then, Aimi-chan gave me a handkerchief, and she dismissed the boy she smiled to before.

I used my ultimate weapon to deal the final blow. I looked at her with my patented 'Beaten Puppy Expression No. 3', with my immensely sad eyes.

So the girl sighed loudly, and then she surrendered. She said, "OK, I'll accept a drink. Only one. And keep your hands off. Let's pretend I'm pleased to meet you."

…

I'll try to make this short, so I'm not going to delve into long details.

We never went for the drink, I took her to a popular teashop I know nearby, instead.

Big mistake.

I was real lucky I brought all my cash savings with me, since the landlady was _really_ upset, hey, she almost chopped my head off sayin' I didn't pay my last tab! Talk 'bout crazy people. At least Aimi-chan laughed her ass off for some reason.

Anyway, after tea and pastry, Aimi-chan and me walked along the park.

I swear, I strived to be the perfect gentleman; I could not afford to blow it after the teashop's near fiasco, plus, I had to fight for her attention, she had a wandering eye for the other boys… I knew I wasn't first choice.

But, on hindsight, I think I managed to keep her entertained and cheerful for the whole evening.

Sure enough, Aimi's tense and wary attitude towards myself slowly changed, and she turned lots friendlier, finally focusing herself on yours truly.

Well, at some point, must have been, dunno maybe three or even four hours later, we found ourselves in a small but cozy café, having a light dinner.

I remember talking a lot. You know, small talk, nothing important. I kept concentrating on her eyes; I wanted to commit myself, but I still had a hint of a doubt, in my heart.

Then, I looked outside, through the window. That's when I saw _her_. Half hidden in the shadow, inside a taxi parked on the other side of the street, the familiar silhouette of a long haired, horned Oni girl.

I ended the conversation that instant.

"…So, that's what I told him. It was hilarious!"

Aimi-chan happily clapped her hands, laughing; and she commented, "Oh, come on, Ataru-kun, even though I can't believe a third of the things you told me, it does seems that you have an incredibly full and active life!"

"You can say that, Aimi-chan", I replied.

We paused.

I stared into her now carefree, luminous and sincere eyes. I could actually see what she was thinking, her dreams, everything; I could see her soul. I swear, I caught a glimpse of her soul.

The silence kept building up to the point it was almost solid. I had to break it. It felt like shattering glass.

"You are absolutely gorgeous," I said.

"Excuse me?"

"I said that you are the most beautiful girl I've ever met in my life."

Aimi-chan mildly blushed. She attempted to sidetrack me, giggling.

"But, Ataru-kun, you've got quite a reputation! Sure, I've had a very good time tonight, but I know you hit on every girl in the park, every day! You surely say the same thing to all…"

"No. This time I mean it. I came to the park today to find my match, my true and only love, the girl that's right for me. You see… a week ago, something happened to me, something that turned my life inside out, literally. I now know I'm not the same man I was. Not any more."

I steeled my resolve; it was all or nothing, my only chance.

"I… don't understand what's t-this got to do w-with me. I-I…", she stammered, but I had to hammer home my point. So, I committed.

"It's got everything to do with you. You are that girl."

"Uh, but look- it's getting late, and…", she replied, attempting to stand up and leave.

I panicked, so I got up as well, almost yelling, "P-please wait, don't go!"

Then I placed my hand over hers, and continued, "Please. Stay only a little more. I want… no, I really _need_ to talk to you."

I remember every word, gesture, subtle movement we made during those moments. They're, like, etched in granite, here in my mind. I stared at her so intensely, that I'm sure that if my gaze fell on anything else, it would catch fire.

Aimi-chan sat down again, she looked dazed, confused, almost mesmerized. It nearly hurt me.

"I'm sorry. I apologize if it looks like I want to rush things. But, I firmly feel and believe, deeply here in my heart, that this is the most important moment of my life."

I felt my wrists shiver slightly, as I curled my hands into tight fists, my knuckles turning white. I was so scared; there was no going back. I breathed deeply, it took all my courage and strength, but it had to be done. I thought, _You can do it, man. Go for it._

I stared right into Aimi's eyes. In her deep, beautiful shimmering eyes, in which a whole universe kept shining.

And I said it.

"I love you."

Aimi stood speechless. Suddenly, the teashop disappeared. The background noise faded, and we were alone, lost in a sea of nothingness, I could tell she felt dizzy, like, shell shocked, glued to my gaze.

I stood before her. I saw she couldn't talk, and that tears were rolling on her cheek, and I realized that she wasn't even aware she was crying. I know what she was feeling, right then. Pain… and betrayal.

But, I stepped forward, circled her waist, and, holding her tight, I whispered it in her ear.

"I love _you_, Lum."

I was, like, so attracted to her lips. I couldn't help smiling… and I kissed the woman of my life.

Gods. From then on, I only remember a blur, it just blew my mind. We both had our eyes closed, and I think I felt her surrendering to me. We kissed passionately, savoring each other's taste as if it was the most precious elixir, holding each other tight for a time that felt like forever, oblivious of everything around us.

Aimi-chan then leaned back, confused. She studied my face for a little while, breathing deeply.

"I… how…did you…" she stuttered.

"Sshhh. I knew it was you, Lum. I always knew, all along… and I've made my choice. I don't care in which form you disguise yourself, how much you change… I'll always be able to _see_, to find you… love you. I wanted to prove it to you."

Her eyes faded for an instant. Suddenly, she was embarrassed to be in my arms, blushing wildly.

"Ah… look, Moroboshi-san… I believe Miss Lum is now outside. I…"

She stepped back, with a shiver, and then sat down, placing her ring on the table, her hands somewhat shaking.

She looked up at me, her eyes now missing that special… _spark_.

"I… my name's truly Ralia, I am a maid at Lord Invader's Mansion. Please, forgive me… Miss Lum asked for my help, I could not refuse."

Then Lum shyly entered the Cafè, head bowed, her gaze to the ground. I could tell she felt guilty and embarrassed.

"D-darling… I'm so… so ashamed…"

She took both rings, and placed them in her bra.

"Don't. See, I understood your game. You wanted me to find you among all the other girls, and I did. I found my Beautiful Love. 'Sides, as an added bonus, I got to kiss your gorgeous maid, too", I told her.

"I was inside my maid that moment…"

"Still, her body…", I teased.

"You're messing with me", she growled, and I saw a couple of sparks fly.

"You're easy to mess with."

"So I am. That hurts…" she said, pouting, and I felt a complete asshole.

"Lum? I… hey, wait! I'm sorry"

"Ha! You're easy to mess with, too!" she exclaimed, suddenly smiling. But I could see the tears falling.

I playfully grabbed her, and held her tight, silently embracing her, a lump in my throat.

I think I started crying too.

Just don't tell anyone, okay?

…

Anyhow, later on, we walked holding hands on the high panoramic road above Tomobiki-cho, there's this place that overlooks all of Nerima prefecture, and there was this flawless sunset over the horizon.

You know, just like in one of those sugary and steaming romantic _bodice-ripper_ soaps my Mom watches on TV all the time.

Accordingly, we both stood there, bathed in the golden light, to watch the sun slowly sink below the city line, in a perfect silence.

That's when we started telling each other everything. The events we lived in each other's place, our thoughts. What we've experienced, and done. Her shocking experience girlhunting! Hilarious. Then, Lum told me about the cockpit recordings of her Spacerunner, and how deeply my words touched her.

She gently wrapped around me, resting her head against my chest… And then she surprised me. She huskily whispered _something_ in my ear…

That moment I _knew_ that Lum was mine. Forever. I could only nod, as words left me.

She took out the remote from her bra, and her Spacerunner appeared above us, then effortlessly scooped me and carried me bridal style in the direction of her spaceship.

Wanna know what happened next?

Wanna know if in her ship I actually screamed how much I loved her, then kissed her everywhere, tore my clothes and her bikini away and wildly made love to her until we both were knocked out silly?

Sorry… Ain't none of your business."

…

Ataru pauses for a few seconds, keeping his eyes low and sighs.

Then, he smiles broadly, looking straight in the camera.

…

"As I said, life is good. Really, _really_ good."

Ataru stands up; the camera and the spotlight follow him, panning, as he walks a couple of steps to his right.

Lum, sheathed in a magnificent evening dress, embroidered with a complex black and gold tigerstripe pattern, the same Ataru was clothed in when he attended Benten's party, awaits for him, tears fighting to come out, glimmering in the corners of her incredibly beautiful eyes.

They embrace lovingly and kiss passionately. The whole theatre roars with a standing ovation.

…

* * *

A/N. Obviously, "Aimi" (愛美) means "Beautiful Love".

This is my first attempt at something a bit more waffy than usual. Let me know what I did wrong. BTW, if you're wondering, yes, Lum changed too… and if I get requests, I may write down "Lum's side of this".

Please **comment and review**, it is thanks to your feedback that I am encouraged to write new stories!


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